


All I Really Want

by anywhozits



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Agnarr and Iduna are awful, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendzone, Human Sven (Disney), Life of the Party Anna, Skater Punk Kristoff, Slow Burn, Smells like teen spirit, Super Genius Elsa, Teens Making Bad Decisions, background elsamaren, or are they???, teenage angst, underage drinking and drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24539356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anywhozits/pseuds/anywhozits
Summary: Teetering on the edge of a new millennia, Agnarr’s software company is positioned to be the most profitable company of the late 90s. He and his family live the perfect life in the perfect Southern Californian mansion, the only thing less-than-perfect is their “hot mess” of a daughter Anna. But as Anna enters high school with long time best friend Kristoff at her side, she has the potential to change her story.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna & Kristoff (Disney), Anna/Hans (Disney), Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 168
Kudos: 156





	1. New Year's Party - January 1997

**Author's Note:**

> Eeep this is my first Frozen multichap! And is definitely not me trying to come to terms with how messed up my experience in Orange County, California was. Nope! It couldn’t be! ;) 
> 
> Also this is definitely a Kristanna fic but takes awhile to get there. I promise it gets there eventually… but since it’s kind of a 90s retelling of Frozen we gotta get through some stuff (coughHanscough) before that all can happen.

Champagne popped, fireworks cracked, loud screams of excitement echoed throughout the large Mediterranean style-mansion in Newport Coast, California. Everyone in the house counted down the seconds until 1997 and celebrated the victory—the host’s software company had ended the year with the most fiscal prowess of any software company in the country.

 _Ten_.

Right—The Company that Agnarr Larsen had founded and owned had hit a milestone. 10 billion dollars in sales worldwide in 1996.

 _Nine_.

They’d opened some international subsidiaries. Most recently one in Oslo, Norway.

 _Eight_.

Within the last month it was finally acknowledged that The Company had the first fully developed Internet Strategy of all the tech companies.

 _Seven_.

Whatever “Internet Strategy” meant.

_Six._

Agnarr Larsen had thus gone _all out_. He and his wife, Iduna, spent a sickeningly large sum of money on this party.

_Five._

The theme—70s Disco / Studio 54 because 199 _7_ had one number in common with that decade.

_Four._

At least 35 Cirque-employed go-go dancers served drinks, danced on tables, and strutted their stuff throughout the house.

_Three._

They had exactly five separate disco balls, an indoor and an outdoor dance floor, properly themed food, and an incredibly well-stocked open bar that left the guests in awe.

_Two._

And in the corner sat a girl with striking red hair, alone, again… as always, sipping on some champagne she thought her parents would care she swiped from the open bar.

They didn’t.

 _One_.

More fireworks went off, bursting into sparks of gold, blue, red, and white right on top of the hill behind the house.

The girl—Anna—didn’t look up. She remained seated on the couch, crossing and uncrossing her legs, taking sip after sip of champagne. It was _damn good_ champagne. Despite having no actual knowledge about the quality of sparkling wine after only 14 years on this earth, she could tell this was some _quality_ shit. Cristal. It even _sounded_ fancy. 

God was she bored.

Her blue eyes scanned the crowds. Everyone was yelling, throwing their hands in the air, hugging and kissing each other.

She had no idea where her parents were. Agnarr and Iduna Larsen. The very hosts of this party. This was their house. This was her house, too, then, she supposed. The cold walls, the empty halls, the wide-open spaces that most of the time housed one or two or three people only. It was a nice house, though.

And all of that—well, _everything_ in her life—was owed to the success of her father’s company. The Company. She knew nothing of the specifics other than it being some kind of tech software situation that clearly allowed them such a large sum of money that they were _comfortable_ at the very least. Comfortable was Agnarr’s favorite word to describe their unnatural and disgustingly wealthy lifestyle.

Looking around again, Anna saw no trace of them anywhere.

Well—classically _her mother_ was nowhere to be found, blessed with the uncanny ability to seamlessly blend in with the furniture at these types of parties. Well. Actually… with Iduna, it always went one of _two_ ways. Either 1) she hid out somewhere using her stealthy camouflage skills as the night progressed or 2) she took on the role of belle of the ball, effortlessly engaged in radiant conversations with every partygoer. The difference between those two perfectly outlined by one simple distinction—whether it was a Bad Day or a Good Day.

Today was a Bad Day. Anna could feel it. Her mother’s absence more-than confirmed that blatant fact.

But still no sign of her father.

Anna rolled her eyes and gulped down more champagne. Her stomach dropped. Worst New Year’s ever. She was _always_ required to attend these stupid Company parties because it looked good for her dad to have such a supportive youngest daughter.

And she _loved_ parties. But.

But she wished she had somebody, _anybody_ even remotely close to her age to share this with.

Because even though their house was filled with people, filled with people having the _time of their life_ , she still felt so... lonely. Maybe even the loneliest she had felt in a long time.

She _knew_ she’d feel this way. Anna had really tried her best to preemptively remedy the situation, asking her dad if she could invite her best friend, Kristoff, to the party. But of course, Agnarr had grumbled something under his breath about how that would be a _bad look_.

Shaking off all of that frustration, Anna slowly rose from the couch, making her way past a few scantily clad go-go dancers, trying her best to push away the cocktail meatballs and the fondue skewers they kept trying to shove into her face.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of her father, _finally,_ standing next to a couple of his business school buddies, all of them wearing custom tailored suits with bowties and sunglasses even though they were indoors. They carelessly swung their glasses of Cristal and laughed hearty belly laughs.

Anna thought maybe she could join this conversation. Seemed fun enough.

But when she made it close enough to hear their conversation, she stopped in her tracks. They hadn’t noticed her approaching, of course. They never did. Being invisible to her father and his cronies was one of her biggest talents.

Even still, she backtracked a bit, allowing herself to hide behind the series of potted plants that lined their living room.

“I kept telling her we already had the perfect kid—why would we risk the second one? But she didn’t buy it. She wanted Elsa to have a sibling. And look where we are now.” A series of masculine laughter—guffaws more than anything else—broke out.

Anna gulped. This wasn’t new. She’d even heard it all before. Her father’s go-to party story.

But then he said it. The punchline. Stated in such a light-hearted manner with a characteristic shake of his head. “We should’ve stopped after one.”

Anna stumbled backward. It always hit her. It always hurt her. Her fourth time hearing this dumb story and it still felt like being punched in the gut.

And yet… here she was at this party alone and bored and miserable trying to please him. Hoping maybe one day he would change this story. Maybe one day he would stop telling it altogether. Because she was _here._ She tried. She made the effort.

It didn’t seem like it was too much to ask. Things used to be good. They used to spend time together as a family.

Tears stung her eyes. She totally should’ve just said fuck you to her dad and gone to Kristoff’s house like she wanted.

Whatever. Right now, all she needed was an escape. Anna desperately wanted to get the hell away from him.

Thus, she took off in a jog toward the kitchen, the echoes of her father’s continued laughter taunting her remorselessly.

On the way, she caught her reflection in a golden floor length mirror. Her jog slowed to a halt.

She sighed, staring deeply at her reflection. Poofy but also flawlessly curled, her usually chest-length red hair now only fell to her shoulders. Anna gave it a quick toss, adding even more body to the curls.

She stared harder, looked closer.

Both frosted pink lips and electric blue eyeshadow brought out every single feature of her face—her piercing blue eyes, her soft yet diffuse freckles, and the eternal flush of her cheeks no doubt heightened by the Cristal. She sighed, carefully biting her lip so as to not mess up her lipstick and touched the thin silver choker around her neck. One of her Christmas gifts from Santa. From her parents, duh. She knew that. But… it still felt like it came from Santa.

Anna sighed again.

She thought she looked okay. Just _okay_.

Now she wished she’d worn something different. Sure, the aqua sequined dress framed her body well. The straight neckline and spaghetti straps were cute. And naturally she did love that the dress fell to her upper thighs, something she figured her parents would take issue with. But again, that was exactly the reason why she’d chosen the dress in the first place.

She wanted a response. She _craved_ a response…

But she only looked _okay._

One more sigh and she decided it was time to move on.

Thankfully it didn’t really matter how she looked while she did the thing she really wanted to do next.

Anna took one last moment to look at herself. To psych herself up for what was to come.

You got this, Anna. You’ve done this loads of times before. Tonight is _no different_.

Because.

There was somebody she wanted to talk to. Somebody she _needed_ to talk to. It was a new year now. 1997. Maybe 1997 was _their_ year, maybe in 1997 they’d be close again.

Her heart beat heavily and quickly within her chest. Faster yet when she reached the kitchen… when she picked up the clunky gray cordless phone.

She had the number memorized. Duh. Anna called her sister, Elsa, at the minimum once a day.

Elsa very rarely picked up. Elsa very rarely called her back. But every so often, like a glimmer of hope, she did.

It was like 3:06am for Elsa and Anna knew that she was probably asleep. She knew, _logically_ , that the chances Elsa would actually answer the phone were about 0.2 out of 10, but… there was that glimmer. Because Anna needed it. Because it was a new year and…

Anna couldn’t help it as the thought crossed her mind again. It now played on repeat almost like a chant. Or… a cheer.

No.

A prayer, honestly. It was a desperate prayer.

Maybe 1997 was their year. Maybe 1997 was their year. Maybemaybemaybe.

God did she hope 1997 would be their year.

After Elsa got shipped off to boarding school in the 6th grade because of her super human intelligence level that apparently could only be properly nourished by snooty institutions on the East Coast, the two sisters had largely lost touch. Elsa was busy with academics and the consistent string of pressure her parents put on her as their _successful and perfect first-born daughter_.

But lucky for Anna, Elsa had a shiny new Nokia phone that she got for her 18th birthday.

Anna dialed the number and held her breath. The sounds of more fireworks and more chatter and more people being beyond obnoxious filled the background and Anna decided it best to lock herself in their massive pantry. It was quieter there. She could drown out the sounds of everybody to the point that she only heard the phone ringing, her heartbeat, and that same nervous and hopeful mantra.

_Maybe 1997 was their year._

The ringing stopped cold. And then one aggressive beep later and Anna thought she might start sobbing.

She couldn’t hide the quivering in her voice. “Um, Elsa. Hi. Happy New Year!” Tears welled up in her eyes. “Um. It’s dad’s dumb disco party right now and everybody’s being so loud and boring, and I have nobody to hang out with, so I thought maybe…” Her voice cracked. “I thought maybe you’d be free, but. I guess you’re not. You’re probably, like, sleeping or something. Which makes sense, um, because. Time difference or whatever. But. I thought, maybe, since it’s _New Year’s_ and all that you’d be free or still awake or something. Um.” _Maybe 1997 was their year._ A sob caught in her throat. “I miss you, Els. I really miss you. I know we don’t talk that much, and I know you have so much going on and school is stressful and I’m just your annoying little sister. But. I love you. I feel…” Anna took a deep breath in. Tears rolled at a steady pace down her cheeks. “Um. Never mind. Can you just—can you give me a call when you get this? I’d love to talk to you.” She couldn’t hold in the sobs anymore. Instead of a singular crack she broke down fully, her voice quaking with frantic cries. “I miss you, Elsa. I love you.” She had to take a minute to catch her breath. “Um—bye.”

The second Anna pressed end on the phone she collapsed onto the floor. She hadn’t bothered turning the light on in the pantry and now she was thankful for the darkness. It somehow comforted her. Like she was in an entirely different dimension. She needed that escape. _Shit_ did she need that escape.

She didn’t know what to feel. She didn’t know _how_ to feel. Her entire body was numb.

Why did she ever let herself get her hopes up again? It always ended the same way.

Disappointment.

This wasn’t their year. It was _never_ going to be their year.

She was stuck in this endless cycle of loneliness and rejection and abandonment and she would never break free. Never.


	2. House Party - January 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna and Kristoff go to a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo onto chapter 2! thanks everyone for reading! :) 
> 
> Content warning: underage drinking

This wasn’t Anna’s first rodeo. During her freshman year at Arendelle Prep; hell, even during eighth grade and if she were drunk enough to admit it—that _one_ time halfway through 7th grade when she really, really wanted to smooch Charlie Blower that 9th grader who she ran into in the hallway, she went to these kinds of parties.

The classic Arendelle Prep rager. Rich parents out on some kind of business trip. Way too much vodka. Cheap beer. Hot tubs. Silly games. Maybe a bonfire or two which like, totally wasn’t dangerous at all.

This night was the same as others before it. Bebe Shelley’s parents were out in Cabo for some reason with the “law school buddies” or “law firm buddies” or whatever her gross-ass dad called the ring of people he did lots of coke and called up prostitutes with. Well—not like that last part would happen with the wives present. Or would it.

Anna shuddered— _literally_ —at the thought.

Gross. No. She didn’t want to think of _any_ of that super messed up shit. She couldn’t believe Ashley even told her all of that. But maybe it was a coping mechanism or something.

Her driver, the most illustrious Kai, her aid in everything mischievous she had been up to ever since that 7th grade party where she had succeeded in smooching Charlie Blower, pulled the car up to Bebe’s house.

She took a deep breath. She was nervous for some reason. Probably because she knew Bebe’s sister Ashley would’ve invited the entire junior class and Anna had an inkling she super wanted to smooch tonight, too. And the juniors were the most totally hot grade in the upper school right now. Like, everybody knew it. Even the teachers. She’d heard Mrs. Adamson talking about it in a hushed voice with Mrs. Ingalls at convocation last week.

They were _hot_. Smoking hot, really. Like, _smoking_ hot _period._

And it helped that these were the boys who already were super into freshmen like her. Their first dance of the year, glowdown, was filled with her and her friends finding any way to grind on them. And they liked it too. Clearly. Anna felt that they liked it.

But somehow she made the stupid mistake of starting a grind off with Bebe that distracted from her goal. Sure, she’d won. Twenty-four guys compared to Bebe’s seventeen. But she hadn’t done anything _else_ with them.

So she hadn’t secured herself that man she told herself she wanted since high school started. High school meant romance and drama and maybe a little bit of learning or something, too. But she wanted a _high school boyfriend_. She wanted someone to light up her life and her heart and she wanted _everything_ that came with having that. She just wanted… someone. She wanted love. She wanted someone to love her.

The car came to a stop. Kai gave Anna a knowing ‘see you in the morning’ nod before ushering her out of the car. She opened the door slowly but slamming it suddenly, confused as to why she didn’t hear the familiar sound of the door banging closed behind her until she remembered that her best friend sat in the seat next to her.

“Wait! Kristoff—sorry. I forgot—” Anna shook her head. “Nevermind. Are you ready?” Anna was just so used to arriving to these kinds of house parties alone. Kristoff usually avoided them, unless Anna was the host, of course, but tonight Anna had begged and begged him until he finally gave in. All she had to do was jut out her lip and give him those classic puppy dog eyes. Rest assured he would do whatever she asked.

“Yeah. I’m ready.” His face was morphed into an extremely dissatisfied pout. Anna imagined he probably regretted agreeing to this whole situation, but she was thankful he came anyway. If this night didn’t go the way she planned, then she’d be happy to instead spend the night with him jumping on trampolines and running around to beat of the Smashing Pumpkins’ guitar riffs.

Kristoff’s drunken air guitar talents were legendary. Every time.

“Um… you sure?” Anna had tried to walk a few paces ahead of him but Kristoff remained firmly planted on the driveway. “You’re not moving at all.”

“Right,” Kristoff said. “Moving. Gotta… move.” Eventually he picked up his pace, shuffling his feet to catch up to Anna. She turned to face him, then, smiling wide at one of the people who consistently lit up her world.

His black Offspring skull t-shirt billowed a little bit in the slight wind of an Orange County January. Anna noticed a little hint of his sketchily acquired Nirvana tattoo sticking out from the sleeve of his left arm. But literally just a glimpse. The curve of the smiley face’s chin.

She thought it was damn awesome that at fifteen years old he already had two tattoos. Like he somehow had the balls to sneak out and find someone who would do that to minors. Someone he ended up befriending, even. He had a _connection_.

Naturally she’d debated getting one herself, but she still felt too young. Yeah, Kristoff and Anna were in the same _grade,_ but he was solidly one year older than her. Somehow, she was only reminded of this when she caught sight of his tattoos. What Anna deemed the ultimate symbol of maturity. Of… advanced age. Of that entire year between them.

When Kristoff reached her, Anna grabbed hold of his hand, and they walked hand in hand to the intricately carved mahogany door of the Shelley household. Anna pressed the doorbell, hoping the chime would ring over the S Club 7 blasting through the surround sound.

Thankfully, Ashley pulled open the door. “Ohmygod, Anna!” Ashley bounced up to Anna and hugged her with such force Anna thought she might burst. She could feel the stark, well— _hard_ proof of Ashley’s boob job. A sixteenth birthday present that had set off an endless stream of gossip. “And you brought your friend… Christopher, was it?”

“Kristoff.”

“Right. Well—welcome, Kristoff! Glad you could make it.”

Anna shrugged and clapped her hands together. She felt a jolt of excitement shoot through her. A party! A party was _just what she needed_ to forget about her shit week. Elsa hadn’t called back after Anna had left her _at least_ twelve or thirteen messages and her parents had done nothing but ignore her. But what else was new on that front…her parents were a lost cause. But Elsa. Elsa was busy, though. At her boarding school. Studying hard, probably. And there was also the three-hour time difference. Anna knew that. There were _loads_ of reasons why Elsa didn’t call back. She couldn’t be disappointed.

She _wouldn’t_ be.

So, Anna smiled through it. She tried her very best to swallow the tremble in her voice. “I need something to drink.” Not one crack. Not one break. She always did such a great job hiding.

“You know where to find those,” Ashley added with a wink. She ushered Kristoff and Anna to the kitchen and made a beeline for what appeared to be the dance floor.

Anna skipped—literally skipped—to the kitchen, Kristoff stumbling behind her and nodding nervously when she handed him a shot of vodka. He took one whiff and scrunched up his face. He wasn’t usually a _shot guy_ but Anna brought it out in him.

She knew he had some stuff he wanted to forget, too.

“Threetwoone!” Her countdown was decidedly not a countdown. Both Anna and Kristoff grimaced intensely when the liquid stung their throats and then chased the vodka heavily with some Sunny D.

“Another one?” Kristoff asked, feeling nothing. What a heavyweight. Anna remained incredibly jealous. A couple months ago, Olaf told Anna that she could never go shot to shot with Kristoff and her own stupid dumb naïve stubbornness made her do it. That night had ended so poorly. Probably. Well—no way it could have ended any other way. Anna didn’t remember anything past shot number nine. Her throat burned for days from all the barfing she did.

But tonight, she figured she’d keep to a limit. A few drinks behind Kristoff at all times. Except for now… “Let’s do it!”

So they did. Switching to a chaser of Hawaiian punch this time. Kristoff had definitely poured at least a shot and a half into their red solo cups, but Anna was grateful for it, honestly. Now she felt the _perfect_ amount of buzz for her Junior Boy Hunt. That sounded like an okay name for this quest. Junior Boy Hunt. Had some mediocre ring to it.

She’d keep it for now.

Kristoff took one more shot and then grabbed himself a beer but not before pouring Anna a vodka cranberry.

“Thanks, Kris,” Anna said. “I’m going to take a lap, I think.”

“Okay. I’ll be here, probably. Or… looking for Olaf. I think he said he might come.”

Anna nodded and smiled at him, thinking to herself that this was where and how Junior Boy Hunt began. She held the red solo cup so tightly her knuckles started to turn white. She massaged her lip between her teeth in sheer resolve. Her eyes roamed over the crowd of people on the dance floor.

They all seemed mostly paired off.

Then she looked at the living room. Also pairs.

Jesus. Was this some kind of a hook up party and she didn’t get the memo to arrive early enough to secure her place?

Whatever.

She pivoted in her Vans to run outside, but right as she did, she bumped straight into someone and the entirety of her vodka cranberry spilled all over the front of her shirt. “Ooof!” She yelled, laughing just as she always did when she did something clumsy. Because. Classic Anna, let’s be real.

“Whoa!” The mysterious human wall grabbed her shoulders to stabilize himself. But then he ran his hands along her arms and held onto her hands right as he stared into her eyes and then Anna realized oh shit this human wall was a guy who was actually really, really hot and maybe this was, like, fate or something because hot DAMN. He wore a pink Lacoste collared shirt which seemed to make his bright red hair sparkle. His most striking feature—by _far_ —was his eyes, filled with a beautiful, engulfing green that swirled in a shocking mixture of mischievousness and confidence. She’d never in her entire life seen eyes that color. Like… an _emerald._ It captivated her. She didn’t want to move. “I’m sorry about that… oh, fuck. Your drink… on your…” His eyes drifted down to her white tank top. He was definitely staring at her cleavage. Anna puffed out her chest a little bit in response.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I get distracted by—um, I run into people a lot. I mean, I’m really clumsy. I guess. It’s not because you’re hot or anything. Well, you _are_ hot, but I don’t… that’s not why I ran into you, it’s more just because I wasn’t looking—I didn’t _notice_ you were hot until, well, right now, and—”

“I’m Hans,” he said and Anna exhaled. So she hadn’t made a complete fool of herself with her rambling. Those little blessings. “Westergaard.”

“Anna Larsen.” There was a slight twinkle in his eyes when she said this.

“You go to Arendelle Prep?”

“Yeah. I’m in Bebe’s grade.”

He chuckled. “Fresh meat.”

“Yup! And you’re a…?”

“Junior. Ashley’s my good um… friend.” Except the way he said that made Anna think maybe they were something more than friends and it made her nervous. “I’m sure she could give you a new shirt.”

“Oh, I don’t really care about the stain.”

“It’s a little see-through.”

Anna blushed. Hard. She definitely had cheeks the shade of ketchup and it only made it worse that he still held onto her hands. Thank the Lord she had bought a new metallic green bathing suit last week. 

“You know, I think I recognize you from somewhere,” Hans said. “Are you on the volleyball team?”

She blushed again. “Yeah. I am. Volleyball, basketball, and track, actually.” Technically track season hadn’t started yet, but she found it important to mention anyway.

“My friends and I… we like watching the volleyball games.”

Anna laughed nervously. She could feel it… _now_ was the time to be bold. Now was the time to _really_ put the Junior Boy Hunt plan into action. “So, um… wanna get me a new drink? And you can… um—meet me outside?” Anna tried her best to be assertive. She wanted him to know she was interested and more than anything else she _needed_ him to know that she was mature. She was a freshman, sure— _fresh meat_ or whatever he had said earlier, but this wasn’t her first party, and this wasn’t her first time making out with somebody the first night she met them.

“Vodka cranberry?”

“Make it a vodka soda this time. Don’t wanna ruin any more clothes.”

He laughed at her and she went giddy. Her heart fluttered a mile a minute. Okay. Not too shabby. Junior Boy Hunt was already a resounding success. She spun around to watch him walk to the kitchen and stared longingly at the way he poured her drink. Kristoff had disappeared somewhere, probably looking for Olaf. She’d meet up with him later. No worries.

So, then Anna skipped excitedly outside, finding a perfect spot next to the fire where she could see herself spending the rest of the night with Hans. What a thrill. She couldn’t wait.

She discarded her tank top, pleased enough to have a solid vodka-cranberry soiled excuse to show off her new bikini, fixed her braids, and pulled down her jean cutoff shorts. Biting her lip while she tried to determine how much of her abs would peek through while sitting on this chair.

Laying herself out in as Barbie as a pose as she could, Anna found her footing. Her body glistened in the light of the crackling fire, her freckles on display. Her shorts low enough on her hips to showcase her small waist and her voluptuous booty. Well. Not that he would really be able see her booty since she had to use it to, like, sit on. But _still._ She looked enrapturing like this and she knew it.

She counted down the _seconds_ until she figured he would come back with their drinks and see her like this. Thrilled.

But then.

“Oh, hey, Anna,” Kristoff said, sliding into the spot next to her on the patio couch.

Anna shot to attention, emerged from her Barbie pose, and scooted a little bit away from him. “Oh. Kristoff. Hi.” Her eyes darted about, trying to see if she saw Hans anywhere. She didn’t want him to be turned off by the fact she now spoke to a guy like twice his size. Hans didn’t know that Kristoff was just a friend. And what if, seeing her here… he thought that it meant she found somebody new. That she didn’t want him. Because that _wasn’t_ the case. Like, literally at all. _Obviously_. Anna had… maybe a couple times considered smooching Kristoff. Maybe a couple. Well, technically _handful_ was the better word to describe how many times she’d had that thought. But that didn’t mean she _liked him liked him_. She just liked him as a friend. And sometimes it was hard to separate friend feelings from romantic feelings and… besides.

He definitely thought of her has a friend. A _little sister_ he had said once. And it still made her stomach sink even thinking of the night he said those two words.

“You couldn’t find Olaf?”

“I’m not so sure he’s here. I looked all over.”

“Oh, well…” Anna started panicking a bit. She knew Hans _had_ to be on his way, and if her _big brother_ or best friend whatever the heck he was to her cock blocked her like this she would be pissed. Her eyes beat back and forth and back and forth. She didn’t see the flash of Hans’s red hair anywhere. For now, she was safe. But only for now. “Listen—”

Kristoff smiled softly. “Have I ever told you how cute you look in braids?”

The comment made Anna blush and momentarily forgot her mission. “No.”

“Well, you do. You—”

But then she saw Hans walking through the sliding glass door. And she got desperate. “Kristoff, um… I think it’s best—I need to—”

“Anna!” Hans somehow squeezed his way between the two of them on the couch. Kristoff recoiled and exhaled in a pout. “Got you these.” He handed her not one but _two_ vodka sodas. For himself, he had chosen some generic looking beer bottle. “Thought you looked thirsty.”

Anna was happy to double fist. She felt like she needed some added _liquid_ confidence for this next part of her quest.

“Who’s this guy?” Hans said this in a way that made it seem like Kristoff didn’t sit so close to him that their thighs rubbed together.

“That’s Kristoff. He’s my friend. Um…He was just leaving.” She’d explain everything to him later. But for now she felt bad.

Kristoff slouched, and his eyes shot to the floor. He looked so dejected that guilt churned within Anna’s stomach. But slowly he got up, nodding, not quite looking into Anna’s eyes when he said, “Yup. I need to… um. Bye.”

Anna exhaled slowly. Everything would be _fine_ once she explained it to him. He probably already knew what the deal was.

So, she tried to put _that_ thread of guilt out of her mind.

“Sorry about that. He’s great, I promise. He’s just… he gets overwhelmed at parties like this.” Anna moved in closer to Hans, trying to recreate her earlier pose. She took a sip of one of the drinks, placing the other one carefully on the floor. It was strong. Hans had blessed her with a heavy pour. She took a couple more gulps of the vodka and then cleared her throat. “So… where do you live?” Anna mentally kicked herself. What kind of a way to start the conversation was this?

“Newport.”

“Oh—um. Beach or Coast? I live in Newport Coast.”

“Beach. Port streets.”

“Awesome,” Anna said, exhaling. Trying to decide what her next move was. She took a few sips of the vodka soda, thankfully feeling a bit more buzzed. He had to have put at least two shots in it. “I—um—my _family_ has a beach house on the Peninsula. Not too far from the Fun Zone, um. If you’ve ever been.”

“The Fun Zone?” His whole entire face lit up and he instantly became even dreamier. “Sure I’ve been. First ferris wheel I ever went on.”

Hans’s hand found Anna’s upper thigh and she instantly felt both a pressure down below and a heart heaving thrill of excitement the second he did. His eyes fell to her bikini again.

And then. _Right_ then.

Anna knew she had him in the palm of her hand. She didn’t feel nervous anymore.

“The ferris wheel is great,” she laughed, effortlessly. “We used to go there all the time when I was little. My dad spun me too hard on the Drummer Boy and I threw up _next to_ the trash can. Like, I was _so close_ to making it an elegant barf that nobody had to clean up or anything but nope. I failed. Literally… adjacent to the trash can.”

Hans laughed now. Heartily.

 _Yes._ Nice work, Anna. You’re funny. You’ve got this. Two points to Anna in the Junior Boy Hunt. And then, while still laughing, he moved his hand a little further up on her thigh. Two _more_ points. “My sister made it to the bathroom. Barfed in the toilet. And I think that moment really set us on our life trajectories. Class Act Elsa and Hot Mess Anna.”

He laughed again. She had to give herself at least five points for that one.

“Elsa’s your sister?”

“Mmhmm. She’s like a super genius. Goes to this uppity boarding school in New England and will probably end up at Harvard or something after she graduates in May,” Anna said cheerily, chugging her drink. Willing herself to forget those unanswered phone calls. “And… meanwhile here _I_ am.” She sipped—more like slurped—her drink at least thrice. “Hot.” _Sip._ “Mess.” _Sip._ She gulped. Time for a redirection. “Do you have any siblings?”

“Twelve.”

Now Anna laughed. “You’re joking.”

“Nope. I’m the youngest of thirteen. All brothers.”

“I’m jealous,” Anna said. Meaning it wholeheartedly. She’d love to have a house that full. But then she noticed Hans looking at her sideways and she recoiled. “Is that weird?” Hans didn’t answer her, he just ran his hand along her cheek. So slowly, so delicately that Anna felt herself shiver. “Must’ve been chaotic, then. Going to The Fun Zone as a pack of thirteen kids.”

“Yeah, my brothers were assholes about it. Always trying to force me on Scary Dark Ride.”

“What? You’re telling me you were _scared_?” Anna cackled. Literally cackled. “That ride’s so lame! Like, totally not scary. At all.”

Hans’s voice got lower, edging on husky when he said, “Maybe I’ll let _you_ force me on it sometime.”

Anna’s heart almost stopped right there. He wanted to go out with her, like, on a date? Probably? That was a date, right? He meant this as a date? The two of them going to The Fun Zone. Maybe he meant in a group. Like a _group of them_ would go and a _group of them_ ride the ride and then get some ice cream and hang out at her beach house or something. But then Anna took a few more horrid burning sips of her drink and decided… fuck it. “You mean like a date?” She scooted even closer to him somehow and pushed her upper arms against her top. She didn’t have the biggest boobs. Well, definitely not compared to Ashley and her fake-ass ones, but she still knew how to show them off. And Hans seemed interested, so…

She tucked a loose strand of hair around her ear and chugged the last bit of one vodka soda as she waited for his answer.

But it never came.

Instead, she felt the warmth of his lips covering her own. His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her on top of him, so she straddled him with ease.

“You’re beautiful,” he said between kisses.

Her heart fluttered at those words. Damn did it feel good to be complimented like that. To feel, even if only for a few minutes, that she was the center of somebody else’s world.

Anna could say nothing but, “You’re really hot. Like, _really_ hot. Hot _damn_ hot.” She laughed. Rambling again. “Okay I’m gonna stop talking now.”

She grabbed onto the back of his head and pulled him in closer, so they kissed deeper, tongues fighting for dominance.

He was _by far_ the best kisser of the maybe seven-or-so people Anna had kissed in her life. There was something startling about it, honestly. Nobody else could measure up.

Hans knew what he was doing. He really, _really_ knew what he was doing. And as his hand squeezed her ass, Anna let out a delighted moan. Shit. Yeah. This guy _knew_.

Eventually they transitioned to the porch swing, and then to the hammock, and then to a patch of grass by the hammock, and then the trampoline, and finally the hot tub. Both vodka sodas were finished now, the empty cups sitting by the fire, next to the pile of their discarded clothes. Anna still straddled him, kissing him deeply, thoroughly enjoying the new sensation the hot water provided.

It seemed the rest of the party-goers had cleared out of the backyard. Only the sounds of TLC kept them company. And maybe it was all the alcohol or maybe it was the sense of utter euphoria she felt after these hours with Hans, but _damn_ kissing Hans almost felt like chasing waterfalls…. And that definitely meant that she had at least one million points in the Junior Boy Hunt.

But she wanted to take it a little bit further. To secure her spot. Maybe she needed a billion points to win her own game. “Um… are you sleeping here tonight?”

“That was the plan,” he said, crooning. “Are you?”

“Yeah. Duh. Always.”

“Your parents don’t want you back home?”

Anna laughed in spite of herself and rolled her eyes. “My parents are happy I’m not there to bother them.”

Hans grabbed hold of one of her braids and twirled it in his fingers. “Can I say something crazy?”

Anna nodded.

“I think I love you.”

Her jaw dropped. In a totally _unladylike_ way as her mom would say if she even cared enough to criticize her daughter. Anna did a double take. “Wait, _what_?”

“I think I love you, Anna,” he repeated. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Those absolutely brilliant green eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and what she felt in that moment—that pure, raw, unadulterated pull toward him and only him… it _must_ have been love.

“Oh—wow. I… um—” She blushed, slowly growing more confident. Love. Yes. This was love. “I think I love you, too.”

Their lips met again, more passionately, more purposeful. She felt hot all over and not just from the… you know—hot water of the hot tub and all that.

She had certainly received a billion points. No doubt about it.

And they stayed outside for the rest of the night. The two of them. They moved from the hot tub and back to the grass, back to the couch, back to the trampoline. They watched the stars, they split a bottle of wine, they made s’mores.

They fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

And Anna knew this was love. This was exactly what love felt like.

To be someone’s world and someone’s rock and someone’s other half.

She loved love. She loved Hans.

This was the best night of her life.


	3. Oaken's House - March 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Kristoff and Anna's best friend Friday night tradition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for reading! 
> 
> i'm sorry that this chapter is all filler and terrible jokes hehe

Kristoff and Anna sat at their favorite hole-in-the-wall and somewhat ramshackle diner, Oaken’s House, on a decidedly crisp but also unseasonably warm March evening. It was windy, a little bit at least, so they opted to sit indoors.

The food was… _decent_. Only once had they gotten food poisoning and they’d since decided to never mention _that_ again. Or was getting food poisoning even _once_ a bad thing?

Oh well. They loved Oaken’s anyway.

And tonight, they were back with gusto. In his typical fashion, Oaken had welcomed them with a huge smile and his adorable sing-songy voice before leading them to their favorite inside table.

They sat on the diner’s signature extremely uncomfortable white plastic chairs and then they ordered their usual—a combination of something so gross but also so perfect that they came to the reasonable conclusion that they could never deviate. Absolutely any time they found themselves at Oaken’s House on a Friday night they ordered mozzarella sticks plus an Oreo milkshake.

Two delicacies that on their own sounded pretty normal... but Anna and Kristoff were the type to assure absolutely everyone they ever came in contact with that they were far from _normal_. So naturally they dipped those mozzarella sticks in the milkshake. Hardcore. At least five dips a stick. And the dairy overload was enough to send them over to an entirely new level of friendship since Anna always got super gassy after these nights and Kristoff of course cared absolutely zero.

The best tradition. Their favorite tradition.

Mouth already half full of milkshake covered mozzarella stick, Anna spoke, “Hans and I are going to Five Crowns tomorrow.”

“Ooh. Fancy.” Kristoff raised his eyebrows.

“Mmhmm,” Anna said, already prepping her next bite by dipping, dipping, and dipping it into the milkshake. “I’ve only been there once for my dad’s birthday, too. It was a whole six-hour affair and I totally cried because it was so boring. Like.” She popped it into her mouth. _Chew, chew, chew._ “So. Boring.”

Kristoff gave her a sympathetic smile. A smile she appreciated. Because... there were a lot of people in her life she felt she could never dish about her parents to. Never, ever. It was like…

She had much to be thankful for, sure. She didn’t have to worry about money the way Kristoff did. She didn’t have to worry about much at all, really.

So sometimes she felt guilty complaining.

But Kristoff… Kristoff never made her feel guilty. Kristoff made her feel like every single eye roll, every single annoyed grumble, every single ounce of negativity that coated the relationship with her family was completely founded.

And that meant the world to her.

She was thankful for him—always. Every single day. Even if it meant she was just a _little sister_ in his eyes. Yes, she definitely still shuddered at that thought. But.

Even if…

It was worth it. Because she had _him_. She had Friday nights at Oaken’s House.

And… she had _him_.

She had someone who would talk with her and listen to her and really _understand her_.

She had _him_ …

“What’s the latest on your status with Hans? Are you um… boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever?” Kristoff’s voice snapped her out of her train of thought. Her head jerked a little bit at the jarring sensation of rejoining reality and a piece of mozzarella stick fell from her mouth to the table.

Both Anna and Kristoff laughed. Classic Anna.

And when she shrugged and popped the fallen mozzarella stick back in her mouth, Kristoff laughed harder.

“I’m sorry, Kris. I think I blacked out there for a second.” She giggled again. “What did you say?”

“I was asking,” he started. “About Hans. You know—what you’re—um… if you’re boyfriend and girlfriend—”

“Oh. No. He hasn’t said anything about that. I think we’re just…” She didn’t want to say friends. Because they weren’t really just friends. In fact— _just friends_ was exactly what Anna and Kristoff were. And Hans and Anna had a _much different_ relationship than she and Kristoff had…

Like… there was no way in the literal seventh ring of hell that Anna and Hans were at the same stage in a _relationship_ as Anna and Kristoff were. Because—well, she and Hans were _in love_ with one another. Literally in love. For real in love. Not the friendship love she had with Kristoff. That maybe teetered on romantic love sometimes. But not all the time. And…um. Never mind.

Back to Hans. She loved Hans _for real_. 100% of the time she had _romantic_ love for Hans. Plus they’d said they loved each other probably two hundred times since the night they met. So they loved each other. Duh.

But… maybe they _were_ just friends. Friends with… benefits? Okay. Benefits. Yes. That was what set her relationship with Hans apart. Those two words. With. Benefits. She had no benefits with Kristoff.

She gulped. “I think we’re just friends.”

“But… you _love_ him?” Kristoff’s face contorted into a scowl as he chomped on another sweet and oozing mozzarella stick.

“Mmhmm,” she said, slurping up some of the milkshake.

“You loved him after _one_ night?”

“Mmhmm.” Anna giggled a little bit. They had _definitely_ talked about this before. Kristoff loved bringing up the whole I-love-you-on-the-first-night business.

“Shit.”

And he always reacted the same way. So judgy, Kristoff. For someone who didn’t know _anything_ about love or relationships or... other stuff like that.

Anna pouted playfully. “What gives, Kris? Haven’t you ever heard of _love at first sight_?” She made a show of batting her eyes when she said this.

But Kristoff was far from amused. He crossed his arms over his chest and jutted out his bottom lip. “Sure I have. I just don’t _believe_ in it is all.”

“Okay,” she huffed. “Fine.”

“He says he loves you too?”

“He said it _first_. If you remember. I told you all this like, the morning after.” And probably six or seven times since then… he couldn’t let it rest.

“Yeah.”

Anna sighed. He seemed grumpier about this than usual. “Are you trying to use some super coded Kristoff-speak to tell me you don’t like him or something?”

“He’s whatever,” Kristoff mumbled.

“So, you don’t like him.”

He didn’t answer for a bit; his sustained silence already proving her point. They’d never bridged this part of the Hans conversation before. It always stopped after Kristoff denied the existence of love at first sight and abruptly changed the subject.

But eventually, he spoke up. “Does it matter what I think?”

“You’re my best friend.”

“But does it matter?”

“Yes.”

He sighed. “I like him all right. I guess. But… I don’t really know him. I don’t really know anything about him at all. Wait—how much do _you_ even know about the guy?”

Oh, _snap._ Was he jealous? Why did Anna get the sense that maybe he was jealous? Or... maybe he was just concerned. Not jealous. Because he cared about her. Because he was her best friend. That made sense. That definitely made the most sense.

Not jealous.

“I know you’re worried, Kris. It’s cute. I appreciate it. But I can deal with it myself, okay?”

His eyes were downcast onto the plate. He played with the mozzarella stick a little bit. “Okay.”

“Seriously. Thank you,” Anna said cheerily, reaching out to tug on the sleeve of his gray Volcom hoodie so he looked up at her. “Thanks for always looking out for me.”

And then she impulsively grabbed his free hand and held it, noting and admiring the fact that the weight of his big, calloused hands made her feel a healthy mix of safe and comforted and respected. He smiled softly at her, squeezing her hand.

Her heartbeat quickened, butterflies unleashed themselves in her belly, and she pulled her hand away, kind of terrified.

They’d held hands before… as _just friends_. But she’d never had this visceral of a reaction to it.

She had Hans. She loved Hans. She needed to focus on him. Not get way too attached to someone who would never like her back.

The second she gathered her thoughts, though, she heard the loud and unmistakable sound of her breaking wind. Cutting the cheese. Whatever.

She giggled. “Oops—my bad—gassy!” And then she started laughing uncontrollably, covering her face in her hands.

Kristoff joined in, unrestrained laughter making tears pool in his eyes.

But then Anna reached for the milkshake, gearing up to take a few more sips. Kristoff furrowed his eyebrows, still laughing, still crying and yelled, “Anna!”

“What? You gotta get used to my gas, man. Comes with the territory.”

“Oh, I’m plenty used to it.”

“Good. Now pass me another mozz stick.”

And he did.

Mouth once again full, Anna decided to change the subject. “So how are things going with Pissed Off Kids?” Pissed Off Kids was the band Kristoff and his other best friend Sven had founded in the fifth grade as one of the action items on their long list of ‘ways to stage the ultimate rebellion.’ They played their music in Sven’s garage and took breaks to skateboard. It was all incredibly cliché.

“We’ve got a gig next weekend. If you wanna come. It’s at this random place in Anaheim, but they’re paying all right. I doubt many people are gonna make it out there—”

Anna rolled his eyes. “ _As if_ , Kris. You’re gonna pack the place and you know it.”

His cheeks flushed red. “Well, um… either way it should be fun. Gotta test out some of our new stuff.”

“Covers or original?” Anna seen enough of his shows to know Pissed off Kids’ typical cover song rotation. Usually any number of songs off of Green Day’s _Dookie_ , The Offspring’s _Smash_ , or Blink-182’s _Cheshire Cat._ Nirvana was deemed too holy to even attempt to replicate. Kristoff’s words, of course. RIP Kurt Cobain.

“Both.”

“Awesomesauce,” Anna beamed. She loved hearing about his music. He was just so _passionate_ about it—literally everything related to alternative and grunge rock. If he really got going, he could talk her ear off about the intricacies of the movement itself, how it had grown, how each of his favorite bands added their own flavor and their own perspective. She loved it. Every single second of it. “Tell me about the new ones you wrote.”

“Ah, well… there’s only one of those.” He popped another mozzarella stick into his mouth. “It’s called When. Mostly written by Sven.”

“Ooh it’s all rhymey and poetic already.”

Kristoff laughed. “I guess I wrote most of the chorus, though. Come to think of it.”

“Of course you did. Because you’re the best songwriter slash guitar-player slash singer who’s ever walked this earth.”

“I bet there are a lot of other people who deserve that title.”

“No,” she said. “Just you.”

“Kurt Cobain, for one.”

She ignored him entirely. “So… When, huh? Sounds so… emo?”

Anna raised her eyebrows at Kristoff, trying to gauge his reaction. Was she hot or was she cold?

His left eyebrow twitched ever so slightly. Confirmed. His new song was _definitely_ emo.

“Okay, right. No duh it’s emo. Noted. But… that’s obvious coming from you,” Anna said. Kristoff chuckled softly in response. “All right! I’ve got a great idea. Let me guess the chorus. Okay?”

He laughed again. “Okay. Have at it.”

“Ummm…” she scrunched her lips together tightly, thinking, thinking, thinking. “When… will my best friend stop insisting we drink milkshakes every week because they make her fart up a storm?”

Kristoff laughed. “Nope. Try again.”

Anna furrowed her eyebrows in concentration. “When… will Anna give in to my begging and decide she wants to learn how to skateboard, so we can finally go to the skate park together?”

His laughs intensified as he reached to take a sip of the milkshake. “No!”

“Huh. Weird. I really thought those made the most sense…” Now she laughed. “OH! I’ve got it this time: When will my best friend in the entire world finally get it through her head that she’s not someone who can make the word _dude_ work?”

Kristoff started laughed so hard that he couldn’t catch his breath. Soon enough, a little bit of Oreo milkshake shot out of his nose and then trickled down his upper lip.

Noticing this, Anna lost it. Completely.

The sight of white liquid with chunks of black cookie rolling down his face paired with the sight of him clutching his face in an unfortunate brain-freeze like state sent her into a frenzy.

Kristoff shot only-somewhat playful daggers at her. “You can’t make me laugh when I’m drinking a milkshake!”

“Well, _you_ shouldn’t drink a milkshake when I’m being funny!” Anna grinned. “Which is all the time, really. So guess milkshakes are out. I’m too gassy and you’re too… into-my-jokes.”

“Not funny,” Kristoff said. “That kinda hurt. It was like… one big brain-freeze.”

“Um— _dude_? Chill out.”

He smirked. “I stand by it. You can’t pull off _dude_.”

“Would’ve been an epic song lyric, though,” Anna offered, but Kristoff shook his head. “So what is it, then? Your big brilliant title-sequence chorus lyric thingie?”

“It’s…” Kristoff took a deep breath, a flash of drama overcoming his face as he began to speak, “When will the clouds finally part?”

“Ah.” Anna nodded. “See? Emo.”

“I guess.” Shrugging, Kristoff looked down at the table, bashful all of a sudden.

“I can’t say I’m not disappointed, though. It’s been awhile since you’ve written one about me.”

Kristoff looked back up and caught her gaze. “I’ve never written a song about you, Anna.”

“Mmhmm,” Anna teased. “A likely story.”

“I’m serious!”

“So am I!”

They both burst out into uncontrolled laughter. Kristoff clutched his face in a futile attempt to keep the milkshake very much out of his nose which only made Anna double over in the chair, hyperventilating with giggles.

Kristoff’s laughter was contagious. Anna could laugh for hours and hours only answering to Kristoff’s unamused smirk but when _Kristoff_ laughed… it was like everything in Anna’s soul shifted into place. She didn’t have to think about anything but that moment—their relationship. The warmth and kindness that his laughter evoked made Anna’s heart swell.

She would do just about anything to hear that laugh.

Once they both calmed, she took a moment to look at him. He smiled so widely that his eyes crinkled. _That_ also made her heart swell. “You said your show’s next weekend?”

“Yeah. Saturday night at 11.”

“Ah, well,” Anna shrugged, trying to hide her growing smile. “That’s past my bedtime.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Hey! You stole my punch line! I was _gonna_ say ‘That’s past my bedtime…NOT’ but then _you_ have to jump in with your whole Grumpy McGrump Buzzkill business.”

“I’m sorry, _feistypants_ ,” he said, chuckling.

“Thank you.” She smiled again. “And I _was_ kidding, seriously. You know I’ll be there.”

His eyes crinkled again as he grinned widely, sincerely, softly. “I know.”

And she would. She’d always be there for him. Be there _with_ him. Always.


	4. Five Crowns - March 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hans and Anna go on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and for leaving me such sweet comments! Seriously you’re all the best. Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated! But happy to be back to a less busy schedule now :)
> 
> And I want to take this time to let you know that this chapter has some extra warnings—there are references to and conversations about underage sex. Nothing graphic, nothing explicit. None of that will be in any chapter of this fic. However, while reading this chapter specifically, it is important to note that this is a fictional account of one character’s experience. This is definitely not meant to be a universal depiction of how adolescence is “supposed to go” or anything to that effect. Everybody has their own timelines for things like this, which is perfectly valid, and in fact, exactly how it should be—individualized.

Anna took a deep breath, sighing contentedly while smoothing out her pink silk dress. She knew Hans didn’t mean to be late or keep her waiting or whatever, but she sat here, ready, for the last twenty minutes and he _said_ he was going to arrive ten minutes ago. But Anna didn’t even know whether to trust his word at this point.

She didn’t even know him, really. She didn’t even know what he was like…

Yeah. True. Ugh—shit. Kristoff was right. She _didn’t_ know that much about him.

Well. Okay—his last name was Westergaard. He had 13 brothers.

Um.

He had red hair and green eyes and this really pointy nose that looked really hot and cute at the same time. Like hotute or umm maybe hute. Nah. Hotute was much better.

So, yeah. He had red hair, green eyes, and a hotute nose.

What else…

He lived in Newport Beach.

And… she also knew that…

They had a lot of fun together! They had the most fun together she’d ever had with anybody in her whole life.

And this fun, well—she moved a little quickly with him. It was her decision to take things past kissing on their second night together. And _duh_ —kissing him brought out some kind of really nice jolt of electricity, and it felt so absolutely amazing to actually _share_ that electricity with someone else. So, she couldn’t help it. She was happy to move… quickly. She was _more than_ happy to. They hadn’t done _everything_ yet, but...

Well, it meant they didn’t do much… _talking,_ exactly.

Of course, Anna still found the words somehow in between kisses and um— _other things—_ to monologue about whatever consumed her mind.

But Hans didn’t say much at all. About himself, at least. He still asked a lot of personal questions about _her life._

Maybe she should ask _him_ some for a change. Besides, they couldn’t make out throughout the whole dinner, either. That felt like a big no-no in such a super ritzy establishment as Five Crowns anyway. So, they _had to_ talk.

Her stomach suddenly sank.

It was like… she was nervous?

About spending the night with her… friend… with? benefits?

But that seemed so wrong? Why would she be nervous about spending a couple hours gnawing on steak and delicious soufflé and _talking_ with the guy she loved most?

Why did the entire concept of _conversation_ make her want to barf on the spot?

Her stomach fell to her knees.

Maybe Kristoff was right. Maybe love at first sight didn’t exist and she was just lying to herself because she wanted it _so badly_ and…

No. No. Kristoff was getting in her head. It didn’t mean anything. It _couldn’t_ mean anything.

She and Hans would make wonderful conversation at their friends-with-benefits-dinner-date and it would be all fine and dandy and wonderful.

She’d ask _him_ some questions. She’d get to know him. And then she’d show Kristoff! She’d show the _shit_ out of him and that grumpy BFF of hers would be _totally wrong!_

Except Hans still wasn’t here. So, Anna nervously fidgeted with her dress again. She tried to smooth it out. She clipped and unclipped the two hot pink sparkly snap clips that were on either side of her middle-parted red hair.

After her seventh time fiddling with the clips, she heard the intimidating chime of the doorbell.

_Thank God._

She counted to twenty-five before she allowed herself to open the door, needing him to think she had better things to do than twiddle her thumbs and wait for him.

The second she saw his handsome face, her entire bundle of nerves completely disappeared. “Hans!” She ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck to give him a passionate kiss on the lips. He stumbled back a little bit, not quite ready for this show of affection, probably, but he caught himself easily, finally relaxing into the kiss and bringing his hands to the small of her back.

“You ready, babe?”

She kissed him again. “Mmhmm,” she mumbled into his mouth.

“Let’s do it.”

And all of a sudden, the nerves were back. Now that she had to contemplate how they would make it through dinner before getting back to this whole smooching business.

But she gave him no inkling of any of these likely-Kristoff-induced-second-thoughts and smiled brightly. She followed him to his black Mercedes and bit her lip for the entirety of the car ride. His hand rested on her thigh, squeezing it ever so slightly.

Only letting up when they pulled off Pacific Coast Highway and into the Five Crowns Parking lot and Anna caught herself shaking.

Nervous, still.

Thankfully Hans took her hand, guiding her into the restaurant in a way that felt more… relationship-y than she expected. This wasn’t friends. It certainly didn’t seem like friends.

Oh, crap. Maybe she needed to have _this_ conversation with Hans tonight, too. Crap. Crapity crap crap _crap_. That was not at all what she wanted.

But the fact that there were about five hundred million butterflies eating away at absolutely everything in her stomach _right before_ she was about to chow down on some delicious and expensive food that she actually really wanted to enjoy…

She should do it. Yup. She should do it. All she had to do was wait for the perfect window of opportunity and then she’d just— _bam_ get it all out there out in the open and then they’d say I love yous for days and then go back to his car for some making out and it would be glorious and perfect and probably the best date she’d ever been on.

Wait.

Date. This was a _date_.

She and Hans hadn’t really… been on a date since they met in February. Not a real date, at least. They went to the movie _Vegas Vacation_ but classically sat in the back and made out the whole time, like, so much so that she didn’t even know exactly what the plot was besides the Griswolds going to Las Vegas and oh yeah—Wayne Newton was also there at some point?

She didn’t count that as a date, exactly. Because of the lack of… talking.

And all the other times they only hung out at each other’s houses.

Which meant… this was her first date. What better time to figure out if they were hopefully something more than _just_ friends? Because friends with benefits wasn’t really what she wanted out of any of this. She knew she should be thankful that she had love. They loved each other. That was great. But… she wanted a relationship, too.

Okay. So that was the game plan. All systems very much go.

When she looked around at the restaurant, taking in the English Tudor / nautical hybrid décor, she began to feel a little out of her element. Her silk dress suddenly became itchy. Everybody else in the restaurant had to be at least 40 years old at a minimum and she thought she must seem like a child. Her pink dress and her pink glitter snap clips and her pink eyeshadow only further proved this point. 

This made her even more nervous. Uncomfortable. It made her worry she’d never find the right opportunity to have this mature and important conversation when she felt like she was eight years old and at her father’s birthday dinner again.

But she’d try…

When they sat down next to each other at their corner booth, Anna’s stomach lurched. Still _very_ worried. Still very young and out of place. Now was definitely not the right opportunity.

The right opportunity didn’t arise when they ordered their French Onion Soups and Filet Mignons.

The right opportunity didn’t arise when they received their French Onion Soups, when they slurped them up, when Anna realized her breath probably reeked more than she cared to admit.

But once the French Onion Soups were cleared, once Hans placed his right arm comfortably over Anna’s shoulders, so she could lean in close… she thought maybe _now_ was the time.

But Hans wanted to talk, too.

“What classes are you in this year?”

This question jarred her. She hadn’t realized they somehow hadn’t covered any of _this_ basic information in the last month. “Oh. Um. I’m taking Geometry Honors, Spanish II, World History, Conceptual Physics or whatever the freshman science is. Oh! And also, studio art because that sounded fun!” She had to take a break for a bit to catch her breath. “English I, too. But I’m not that happy about it because I really wanted Honors English but apparently that doesn’t exist for freshmen? Which seems really dumb because obviously there’s a lot of us who can handle it. I’ve already read like all of the books on our English I reading list. Like, Sense and Sensibility? Jane Eyre? Catcher in the Rye? Honestly? That feels like middle school to me but whatever.” Anna didn’t usually let that many people in on her secret middle school classic literature obsession, but once she got going she couldn’t stop herself. “Um. Sorry. I got all rambly again. I just really like English. It’s my favorite subject. If you couldn’t already tell…”

“Yeah. English is solid.”

“Mmhmm! And what are you taking?” Anna asked. “Let me guess. You look like an … AP US History guy. French III? Regular English. Ummm.. I don’t know what math. And probably um chemistry honors?”

“Close.”

“So, what is it?”

“I’m in Latin. And yep. APUSH, regular English, Chem Honors. I’m in AP Stats this year. I was _so over_ calculus. Such a bullshit class. Tried it for _a day_ but that bitch Ms. Maloney fucking hated me for no reason.”

“Oh. Okay.” Anna bit her lip. This was stagnating. And he was way too oddly aggressive about that calc class. Her stomach dropped again. She wanted to make sure they had the best conversation of their entire lives at Five Crowns on her first real date. “So, then what’s _your_ favorite subject?”

“History.”

“What do you like about it?” Anna asked.

“Wars are hella dope. Cool to learn about.”

“Ah,” Anna said. “Any one in particular?” She tried her best.

“I dunno. I’ve always been into The Great War.”

“That’s World War I, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like that’d be a good one.” Anna cringed. Her whole body tensed. She hoped he didn’t notice. This conversation felt awkward. She needed to change the subject. “And you play baseball? Any other sports?”

“Nah,” he said as he squeezed her shoulder. “You had that track meet last weekend, right?”

“Yeah. I did. All day Saturday,” she explained, leaning in closer to him. “I did the pole vault, triple jump, and a relay.”

“That sounds pretty fly.”

“Mmhmm. I guess. But…” Anna sighed. “I kinda wish I hadn’t gone. It was, like, the _whole day_ and I came home to a message from Elsa, so. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not meant for track.”

“What’d Elsa have to say?”

“Not too much, really. It was a short message…” Anna’s voice got a little lower. “But she said she’s pretty nervous because she’s meant to hear from colleges soon.”

“Ah,” Hans said. “Well, I wish her luck.”

“Me, too.”

Anna sighed. Sustained silence fell between them for a short while. And Anna couldn’t help but realize… maybe _this_ was her window of opportunity.

“Um… Hans?

“Wazup?”

“What… are we?”

“What do you mean _what are we_?”

“Oh, _duh._ Yeah. Well, it’s not—I don’t mean like—what are we—like humans or whatever. It’s not… _deep_ like that,” Anna winced at her futile attempts to explain her nervous thoughts. “I just mean… what are _we_? You know—in our… relationship or friendship or whatever it is.”

“Oh.”

“You get it? Does that make sense? I can try explaining it again if it doesn’t…”

“I get it.”

“Okay,” she exhaled. Then inhaled. She bit her lip again. For probably the 50th time that night. “So then… what are we?”

“We’re us.”

“Right. And what is _us?_ ”

“We’re having fun. Aren’t we? Didn’t you have hella fun watching Vegas Vacation?

Anna’s cheeks flushed red. “We didn’t _watch—”_

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. But didn’t you have a blast, anyway? Aren’t you having fun right now?”

“Of course I am, I just meant—”

“That’s all we’re doing, babe. We’re having fun.”

“So we’re… so you’re not my—we’re not _boyfriend and girlfriend_ is what you’re saying?”

“We’re having fun.”

Anna could feel her heartbeat quickening. Her stomach couldn’t drop any lower than it already had.

Now they were confirmed _just friends._ Even though she wanted this date at Five Crowns to mark the start of something a bit more serious…

But maybe…

Maybe they didn’t need _labels_ to be serious. Maybe they were already serious.

Thinking of this, Anna stared into his green eyes, catching some swirls of what she hoped was sincerity hidden within. “You love me though, don’t you?”

“Of course I love you, babe. I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”

She smiled now, snuggling into him further, content. It didn’t matter what they were, it didn’t matter what they called themselves. They had each other. They had snuggles and smooches and smiles and now a real, legit, super-fun date and they _loved_ each other since the very second they laid eyes on each other.

Take that, Kristoff. Mr. Grumpy-Doesn’t-Believe-in-Love-At-First-Sight man. You lost today, sucker.

She planted a gentle kiss on his lips, a kiss that deepened, continuing until their orders of Filet Mignon were placed gingerly in front of them.

Without the constant pressure of the impending scary and mature conversation, Anna gobbled up her food with ease, quickly, in fact—because she was starting to look more and more forward to the after-date than the date itself.

So much so that she considered skipping out on the chocolate soufflé entirely. And chocolate was her favorite thing in the world. Period.

Once the chocolate soufflés arrived, though, she realized that would’ve been a _grave_ error. No way no how.

Naturally she inhaled the chocolate soufflé. In a way that left Hans laughing and laughing, trying as hard as he could to wipe the chocolate off of her mouth and her shoulders and her dress… and also the walls and some areas of the booth… safe to say, Anna had made quite the mess.

And with him touching her and laughing with her, Anna became giddy. When Hans paid with his Visa platinum and signed the check, taking Anna’s hand again and helping her out of the booth, Anna’s giddiness turned ecstatic.

He thought she was _funny_. He laughed at her jokes. He laughed at her antics. He helped clean up her mess.

And they had a good conversation about school and a really informative conversation about their relationship. And they loved each other, of course. That was important, too.

Still overjoyed, Anna sat again in Hans’s black Mercedes. Hans drove to one of the Crystal Cove beach parking lots. They parked the car.

The entire area was dark. Nobody was there. Not a car. Not a soul. Not even a seagull.

Anna knew where this was going.

Her heart beat quickly for a new and exciting reason.

Their lips touched with sparks of electricity; a fervent move that sent them shimmying into the backseat of the car.

Anna was no stranger to the black leather seats. She was no stranger to this position.

She’d moved quickly with him. She recognized that. But hearing a chorus of Hans’s delectable _I love yous_ made fireworks ignite within her soul. And so, it didn’t seem quick at all. It seemed just about right. Perfect. If they loved each other on the first night, then everything naturally had to follow at lightning speed to match.

Right?

“Hey, babe?” Hans whispered in her ear, so close that it tickled her a bit and she giggled.

“Yeah?”

“Can we do it?”

She giggled again. “I mean—sure. Yeah. When were you—”

“Tonight,” he said. “Now.”

“Oh.” Anna was out of her element again. Yes, she liked moving quickly. Yes, she liked everything else they’d done, but… this? Tonight?

She didn’t think she was ready. She didn’t feel ready. Did anybody _ever_ feel ready? Did it matter?

It was then that she realized Arendelle Academy had failed her. The school had failed _them_ , more like. She had the period talk in the fifth grade. But since then… all she had to do was some dumb assignment about chlamydia in the Human Development class she took last semester.

That wasn’t enough. Clearly.

And here she was—terrified.

Because, sure, she knew what it meant to _do it_. But only because of a healthy mix of Sex and the City (Anna _knew_ she was a Carrie), Friends, and Anna Karenina. As a curious middle schooler, Anna learned more than she’d like to admit from Anna Karenina’s spicy affair with Vronksy.

But that suddenly felt all… abstract.

It was like she knew nothing. Nothing at all. In the backseat of Hans’s car, she was about to flunk out of _doing it_ class.

The only shred of information that remained in her brain was her vision. Her perfect, wonderful vision of how she both imagined and desired it to happen.

She pictured herself sixteen or seventeen… on her birthday. One of her favorite days of the year. After some kind of wonderful birthday surprise party all planned perfectly by her boyfriend, the two of them would dash off to a swanky hotel, and when they would get to their wonderful suite, there would be rose petals scattered around the bed. They’d have bottles of some fancy champagne… oh—and some chocolate covered strawberries, of course.

But most importantly— _boyfriend._ She’d said _boyfriend._ Obviously. Because she imagined it happening with the _boyfriend_ she loved with all of her heart.

That was just for _it_ , though. The Big It.

For any of the other stuff—stuff they’d already done—she never had the same kind of perfect vision. So, it was easy enough to just… full steam ahead do all of it.

But not _this_ it. Not the Big It.

So many parts of her vision were missing. She needed it to be _special_. She needed it to feel like the most intimate expression of love for another person possible.

Because…well—that’s exactly what it was to her.

So she couldn’t do it tonight. Not like this. But at the same time, she didn’t want to let him down.

She didn’t want to lose him…

“I don’t know,” was all she said.

“Well, why not? We’ve done everything else. What’s the difference?”

“I want it… to be special. And I’m only—I’m, like, _young_. Isn’t that bad?”

“No.”

But this didn’t comfort her very much. Because she _was_ young.

Elsa would say that she was too young.

“You don’t think it’s bad? That I’m…” Anna gulped. She worried saying the word _fourteen_ out loud would make him see her as immature and naïve. “You don’t think I’m gonna be bad?”

“No.” He kissed her, then, romantically. Anna relaxed a bit into the kiss. “You’re gonna be great.”

“Have you ever… um—have you done it before?”

“A couple times.”

She’d figured as much, and it made her nervous. Really, really nervous. In her vision of how this _should_ play out, it was _her_ first time and it was her loving, doting, wonderful _boyfriend’s_ first time, too. There were no expectations. There were no comparisons.

Her mind flashed to Kristoff, eyes crinkled and mouth wide in that wonderful smile of his.

No. Don’t do that. _Don’t do that, Anna._

She needed to shake herself clear of those thoughts. Of that visual…of that desire, maybe. If that’s what it was.

No. _No._ It was about Hans tonight. HansHansHans. His hotute nose and his beautiful green eyes.

She loved _Hans_. She wanted Hans in this way, yes. She did.

It was just…

“I think I want it to be special,” Anna said, her voice small.

“This is special, babe. Just you and me here in my car… loving each other.”

“No, no, no. I mean _special_ special. Like… really romantic special. On a really big _event_ or a really big _milestone_ or something. I want it to mean a lot. And I’m not saying that I don’t want to do it with you because I really, really do want to—like…I want to, and my body wants to and… I just think I need to wait um… a _little_ bit.”

“Okay,” Hans said, sighing. “We can wait.”

Anna’s heart soared. Now she just needed a new vision of how she wanted it to go down. She figured he wouldn’t want to wait _that_ long and really neither did she. If she really wanted him to be her boyfriend and not her friend-with-benefits then she needed to double down. She couldn’t keep him waiting for too long.

But if she were worried about being too young… and if she were worried about what Elsa would say, and she wanted it to happen on her birthday, ideally. Then… she should just _say it._

“My birthday.”

“What about it?”

“ _My birthday_. We can do it on my birthday, okay? That’s… three months away,” Anna explained. In three months, she’d be fifteen. And fifteen seemed old enough.

Right?

Right. Fifteen felt right. Her birthday felt right. Elsa had to understand. And maybe Elsa would even be _proud_ that she waited those three months instead of diving right in.

Shit did Anna want her sister to be proud of her.

She continued, “I know it’s awhile, but. It’s an important day and we can be together, and I think… I think that’s perfect. I think then it’ll be really special.”

And then… when _it_ happened, she just _knew_ he’d decide he wanted to be her boyfriend for real. 

Hans nodded. “Okay. Deal. June 21st, right?”

And her heart leapt at the sheer fact that he remembered.

They made out some more. They got close, _really_ _close_ , to doing what he wanted, but they didn’t. He respected her wishes.

He respected her.

And when Hans dropped her off at home that night, Anna knew what she needed to do. It was late. Again. She always called Elsa so late. It was self-sabotage, really. Elsa’s world operated three hours later than Anna’s…

But she picked up the phone and dialed her sister’s number anyway.

Nothing but ring ring ring ring times infinity and then that condescending beep. Another beep… another message destined to be unanswered but not unheard.

Anna still couldn’t believe that stupid track meet had kept her away from Elsa’s once-in-a-blue-moon phone call.

“Um—Els. Hey. It’s me again. Your sister. Anna…” Anna shook her head. Elsa would recognize her voice. Duh. Anna always had to make everything so _awkward_. No wonder Elsa hardly ever called her back. “Um, anyway. I, uh—I’m _so_ sorry I keep calling and I’m _so_ sorry I keep leaving all these messages and I’m, like, _the most_ sorry I missed your call Saturday—I wish I’d been home. I…I can’t even tell you how much I wish I’d been home…” She balled up her hands into tight fists and squeezed, _hard_ , trying to keep a lid on all of her emotions. “It’s just—I really, _really_ miss you and I have…” Anna knew what she wanted to tell Elsa, but she didn’t know quite how to frame it. She tried to squeeze her fists harder. “I, um—I did something. And I think…” But she couldn’t help it—her emotions had no lid. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she took a deep breath in a futile attempt to hide the trembling within her voice. “I think you’ll be really proud of me.”


	5. Anna's Room - May 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna gets ready for prom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah hello! sorry I fell off the face of the earth again BUT I'm back and should be updating more regularly now since my school schedule has calmed down for the time being!
> 
> same warnings apply - some language in this chapter and some discussions of underage sex. And please remember Anna's decisions (and even Elsa's advice) are coming from somewhere. They're not meant to be good decisions or perfect advice or anything of the sort! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading and for your continued support (special thanks to Rhianne and Gabi for encouraging me to post today haha)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Anna sat at her white wooden vanity, staring intently at her reflection, trying for the millionth time that night to pin the last pieces of her hair into flawless wispies for her tight yet messy bun.

Her lips were pursed in ultimate concentration. She needed to look perfect—tonight was her first prom. As a _freshman_. It felt like such a huge deal—a high school rite of passage that she had the great fortune of experiencing a couple of years early.

Plus… she was going with Hans, of course. She wanted to impress him. She still yearned for that relationship label.

“Anna?”

She visibly jolted when she heard her father’s voice call her name.

“Phone’s for you,” he yelled through the closed door, noticeably avoiding even laying eyes on his daughter. “Elsa.”

Anna’s heart just about stopped.

Elsa. _Elsa?_ Elsa!

She immediately hopped up from the chair and raced over to the end table where her super rad see-through neon phone sat.

Somehow after _literally months,_ Elsa had called while Anna was actually home and not at some stupid track meet, which meant they could finally talk to each other, and oh god, it was way too much for her to handle.

She took one long, deep breath to compose herself and picked up the phone, squealing internally, pumping her arms up and down and up and down in excitement. “Elsa?! Ohmygod hiii!”

“Hi, Anna.”

“Wow, I—It’s so good to talk to you! Oh my _God_.” She let out a long, excited breath. “I don’t even—I have no idea where to start,” Anna said, speaking a mile a minute.

“Well, how about _I_ start?” It sounded like Elsa was smiling. “I want to tell you something.”

“Yeah?”

“I committed to college. Well—a couple weeks ago now. But… I’ve been wrapped up in other stuff, and…”

Her voice trailed off, and Anna sighed, wishing that Elsa had called her those couple weeks ago. “So, where? Harvard? Yale?” She couldn’t hide the frustration and disappointment in her voice.

“Pomona.”

Pomona? As in— _the_ Pomona College that was only a 45-minute drive away?

Anna had to do a double take. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah… I decided I wanted to be closer to you… for once.”

Her jaw dropped to the floor, and that was no exaggeration. “Really?”

“Yes. Really. I’ve missed you,” Elsa said. “And… the stress was really getting to me. I think—I just really needed a change of pace. A smaller school, too. Less pressure, maybe. But that’s—I really, _really_ wanted to be closer to you, Anna.”

Anna’s eyes started to well with tears. She wanted this for so long. Ever since Elsa left for boarding school… “Oh my God. You’re being serious? _Seriously_?”

“I mean it. 100%. Deposit’s in and everything.”

Now Anna let out a loud squeal. “I’m so happy!”

“Me, too.”

“I love you, Els. I can’t wait to visit you and hang out with you and, like—I don’t even know! I’m just so, so, so excited!”

_1997 was their year._

“I can’t wait either,” Elsa said, and Anna could practically hear her smiling. “So, how are you? What are you up to?”

“Well…I’m going to prom tonight.”

“Prom? Isn’t that only for juniors and seniors?”

“I’m going with a junior.”

“Oh,” Elsa said. “Who?”

“His name is Hans. He’s, um…he’s great!” Anna chewed on her bottom lip, not knowing how to describe Hans’s relation to her… “And he’s my, um—”

“Your boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?”

“Yep. Mmhmm.” _Boyfriend_. Totally, totally boyfriend. 

“Oh. Wow.” Elsa’s voice radiated pure shock. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you use that word! Is it serious?”

“I mean, yeah. But you’re talking—serious how? Like _physical_ serious or like _we love each other_ serious because, well both, I guess?”

“Both…wait— _physical?_ You’re having sex?”

Anna laughed nervously. “Oh—no. Not yet. I really—I thought you’d be proud, because. Um. You know, I actually called you about this, not that you’d remember, because it was, like, a while ago and it was just some dumb thing, whatever. Um, but. Yeah. I thought—because when he first asked me if I wanted to, I said no. I told him I wanted to wait until my birthday, since fifteen seems like a solid age to—do that.”

“Oh, Anna…” Elsa started to sound more and more like a mother. She got like this sometimes. Not patronizing, exactly, but… maternal. And honestly, Anna sort of liked it. She appreciated the comfort that came with knowing she had someone looking out for her. “I _am_ proud that you decided not to act on your impulses if you didn’t think you were ready.”

Anna knew where this was going. “…but?”

Elsa laughed. “ _But_ … if you _are_ ready, then a silly thing like your age or your birthdate shouldn’t mean anything.”

“You think?”

“Sure. And don’t get me wrong—fourteen is young. But it’s not too young if you’re ready. And as long as you’re safe.”

“Oh yeah—safe. I’ve got the number 911 memorized, so, we’re good there.”

“Anna…”

“Kidding, kidding!” They both laughed. “No, seriously. I think we’re solid.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know. Like, we’re solid. Fine. Whatever.”

“Because you’re on the pill or because somebody bought condoms or what?”

“Exactly.”

“Okay…well, call me if you need anything.” Elsa said, and Anna couldn’t help but smile slightly. Because that felt like a promise. That Elsa would answer the phone if she called. But then Elsa pivoted, “I’m sorry, I just…this Hans guy—he’s a _junior_? 

“Yep.”

“That’s—it’s really hard for me to believe a junior’s dating a freshman for any… not sleazy reasons.”

“Um— _not sleazy?_ He loves me! He told me he loved me the first night he met me. That’s serious.”

“I’m sorry. Wait. You—the _first night you met_?”

Anna shrugged. “Yeah. We were at this party at Ashley and Bebe’s. It was like, you know—classic party, whatever. But _get this_ —I bumped into him and my vodka cranberry spilled, like, all over my shirt,” she explained, giggling. “And then we hung out for the rest of the night and we were staring at the stars and sitting on the trampoline and hanging out in the hot tub and he was just like, _this is crazy, but I love you_!”

“That _is_ crazy.”

“No! It’s not crazy. Seriously—not crazy at all, not even a little bit. I mean—I loved him too! That night. I swear. I said it back and everything. Like, we _both_ loved each other. We both _love_ each other. Present tense. It’s not… crazy. No, no, no, no. I… must’ve explained it wrong or something! Here, let me…” Anna was floundering. She wanted Elsa to be proud of her. But now her mind raced thinking maybe she fucked up this phone call. Elsa would withdraw from Pomona and choose Harvard… Elsa would finally give up on her stupid and naïve sister once and for all.

But before Anna could open her mouth and take it all back, Elsa had something else to say.

“You’re telling me this guy’s a junior dating _you_ , a freshman, and he randomly bumps into you at a party and says he loves you _that night_?”

Shit, Elsa was sounding just like Kristoff, and all Anna could do was roll her eyes. She couldn’t take it back.

“Yes. I said that already.”

“That’s just… that’s really weird.”

“No, it’s not.”

“He’s so—you know what? Nevermind. This isn’t why I called. We don’t need to get into this right now.” Oh, _snap_ was that some kind of a miracle. So hopefully Pomona was still on the table. “I—um. What are you wearing? For prom?”

Anna looked down at her outfit, somehow having forgotten the whole _prom thing_. “It’s this teal dress with spaghetti straps, and it’s like a v-neck kinda thing, with a big slit coming up the side. Hans and I went shopping together and he said it made me look the hottest. So I _had to wear it_. There was another one I kinda liked maybe a little bit more, but… he really loved this one.” She didn’t quite want to tell Elsa that it had almost everything to do with the fact that this dress, the one she had on right now, allowed her to show much more skin than the other one. And Hans said explicitly that he intended to show her off to the rest of the junior and senior classes. 

“Why did he even have an opinion? It’s your dress.”

“Oh, I don’t know. He just liked it is all.”

“But it should be _you_ choosing the dress, not him. Who cares what he thinks?”

“I chose it! He had some input, sure, but _I_ chose it.”

“This _boyfriend_ of yours sounds like he’s trying to control you.” The way Elsa said boyfriend was now teetering on patronizing territory.

“He’s not. He loves me,” Anna said.

Silence. For a while. Neither Elsa nor Anna knew if they wanted to pick any more battles. It was perfectly clear with this whole Hans situation there was very little common ground.

Elsa tried her hand at changing the subject slightly. “What does mom think of the dress?”

Anna scoffed. “How the hell would I know? You think she cares?” Her parents didn’t even know she was going to prom that night.

But if it were _Elsa_ going to prom. That would be an entirely different story. 

Anna imagined her mother going with Elsa to help pick out a dress, get a manicure, secure the best possible hairstylist to give Elsa the perfect updo. They’d spend the whole day together—primping and preparing. And then her father would join them afterward, taking a million pictures of their prized, perfect, super-genius daughter.

“I’m sorry, Anna,” was all Elsa said. “I, um—I should go. But have fun at prom, okay? Be safe. Call me if you need me. Seriously, Anna—I mean it.” But she didn’t wait for Anna to reply before she hung up. 

The in-your-face dial tone reminded Anna that no matter how close Elsa said she would move for college; their relationship was far from perfect.

But it was _getting there_ ; progress had been made.

Elsa was going to _Pomona_. Only a 45-minute drive away. So close! The closest they’d been in the last six years.

Plus, Elsa had told Anna to _call her_. She’d never said something like that before. It didn’t matter the context. They’d made some strides. Yup. That was progress—real progress.

Anna felt herself floating as she finished her hair—parting and twisting each strand and then securing the rest into a stringy bun. She pulled on her white heels with some super cute feather poofs on top, and she took a deep breath.

Nothing could stop her now.

Elsa didn’t understand her relationship with Hans. She didn’t get it. Had _Elsa_ ever even had a boyfriend? Why did she claim to be some kind of a love expert all of a sudden? She probably hadn’t even kissed anybody before. 

Nope. _Clearly_ Elsa was the naïve one here. Not somebody Anna should be taking any sort of relationship advice from. Elsa had no idea what the heck she was talking about.

Once she met Hans… once they spent even a little bit of time together, Elsa would come to understand.

And Elsa _would_ meet Hans. She _would_ understand. Because she was moving back to California! 

Anna was thrilled. Absolutely elated. This had to be the best day and, with prom, soon to be the best night of her life. The _biggest_ milestone.

Huh. Milestone.

Maybe tonight was the night. Maybe… yeah, maybe. 

And, besides. She was _practically_ 15 anyway. Not that it mattered, even! Elsa said age was all a load of bologna as long as she felt ready. And that was good advice, right? Well, it _had_ to be if it came from super-genius Elsa, Anna thought.

So, that was that.

Ready.

After the final touches, Anna stood proudly in front of the mirror, admiring her handy work. She thought she looked great. She _knew_ she looked great.

Prom was about to be like, super-duper legendary.

Next step—pictures with Hans and Ashley and their other friends on Balboa Island at some rando’s house. 

Kai drove her as he always did, and in the backseat of the car, she clasped her hands around the plastic box that housed Hans’s white rose boutonniere. 

Kai tried to make conversation about something or other as he drove, but Anna could think of nothing but the butterflies in her stomach because it was _prom_ and... also because of a healthy mix of the excitement of Elsa moving back and the nervous anticipation of maybe doing it with Hans tonight.

They pulled up to the house and the moment she saw all the people dressed to the nines in decked-out prom gear, she raced out of that car and into the crowd.

Anna noticed Kristoff first, standing awkwardly off to the side, holding a gorgeous pink corsage. 

“Kris!”

He snapped his head up from the ground and smiled as widely as she had ever seen him smile. “Anna.”

The second they hugged, Anna felt those butterflies again.

“You look really beautiful, Anna.”

She could feel heat rising to her cheeks. “Thanks. You’re super handsome.” And then his own cheeks burned.

He looked different with his hair in a less spiky state. Instead, it was slicked back with some kind of gel. And she frowned slightly when she noticed that not even a little line from one of his tattoos poked out. This didn’t seem like the Kristoff she knew and um, loved (as a brother!). But even then, he looked wonderful. Still familiar. Still the person who made her feel most at ease.

Which was exactly why she had pressured Hans to pressure Ashley to invite him as her date. 

She didn’t want to jump into that huge prom-sized milestone without her best friend by her side.

Eventually, after looking legit everywhere, she located Hans. God what a really, really hot not-boyfriend she had. Wow.

Anna didn’t say anything to Kristoff before dashing off, practically flinging herself into Hans’s arms.

“Hey, babe.”

“Hi, Hans! I have so much to tell you! Like, so much happened today and I’m so excited about _that_ and now I’m at prom with you and you’re so hot and—”

“Later, okay? It’s picture time now, and we’re with my friends.” 

Anna looked around and noticed that yes, his friends definitely surrounded them, but something struck her as odd about the rest of the guests. It was weird seeing almost her entire English class there, too. 

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked back at Hans. He wasted no time bringing one hand to rest on the small of her back while the other quickly slid a beautiful sunflower themed corsage onto her left wrist. 

“Fuck, Anna, you look so smokin’ in this dress. I told everyone I’d have the hottest freshman date,” he smirked. “I think I won.”

Anna cocked her head, confused. “Won?”

“Me and the guys were just shooting the shit, talking about you, and some of the girls in your class. Thought it’d be fun to make it a little contest.”

“So that’s why you wanted me to wear this?”

He shrugged. “You look great. I wanted you to look great.”

Anna bit her lip. Was Elsa right?

“Come on, babe. It was some dumb thing me and the guys did. I shouldn’t’ve said anything. I love you, all right?” He cupped her chin and brought her lips to meet his own. “I’m lucky to be your prom date, even though it’s cheesy,” he added, winking.

He’d asked her to prom while they were alone at her beach house, after they’d ordered a cheese pizza: _I know it’s cheesy, but will you go to prom with me?_

Anna had squealed because she knew she was supposed to be excited and all, but it felt so lame. She wanted something big and memorable and in front of the whole school, so she got the luxury of the entire student body knowing that Hans Westergaard wanted _her_ over everybody else. But instead…

Cheesy pizza while they were both super high and a teeny bit drunk in front of absolutely nobody. Honestly a bummer.

He kissed her again, clearly more romantically. More apologetic, too. 

She accepted, deepening the kiss. 

Stupid, Anna, stupid. _Snap out of it._ Now she was just being nitpicky. Too much in her head thanks to everything Elsa blabbered on about. But Elsa didn’t know Hans. Elsa didn’t know love. Elsa had no idea. 

Hans loved her. Obviously. He said that five hundred times a day. 

So, he loved her. And she loved him. And she was _ready._

Hans rested his hand on her cheek and asked, “Your parents didn’t come for pictures?”

His question forced Anna to observe that almost every other person at this shindig had parents with obnoxiously clicking cameras. “No. They don’t even know it’s prom.”

“Yeah.” He shrugged. His parents both noticeably absent. “Mine got bored after the fourth or fifth one.”

Another nice thing—Hans understood. He wasn’t lonely, exactly. Not in the same way. He had a _huge_ family, but he was still often neglected. Still _technically_ alone.

And that gave her all the reassurance she needed.

In this sea of happy families and supportive parents, at least Anna and Hans had each other. 

She was ready.


	6. Prom - May 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna goes to her first prom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Sorry it's been so long AGAIN-I have a talent for not realizing how busy my school rotations are until they're happening and I have no time BUT I'm off now until January so should actually be more consistent with updates now!
> 
> Same warnings apply in this chapter – underage drinking and references to underage sex. And please note that Anna is making the decisions she’s making for a number of reasons and none of them are good, mature, adult reasons. 
> 
> Also, the two people giving her advice about this whole situation are both also teenagers who don’t quite know exactly what they’re talking about!
> 
> Oh and side note but the song Barbie Girl is 50 shades of messed up?? Wish I had known that back in the day when it was my favorite song, but alas. 
> 
> Anywayyyy I hope you enjoy reading regardless hehe

When their limo pulled up to Balboa Bay Resort, Anna took in a breath. Her hand squeezed Hans’s in both a nervous and excited— _nervecited_ —anticipation. 

Prom.

She was only a freshman and about to step foot at _prom_. It felt… surreal. 

She’d dreamed of this moment forever and this massive high school milestone was here—now. Happening right before her eyes. 

She looked back at Kristoff, not surprised to see his mouth curled into a frown. 

He and Ashley were nowhere near each other, probably at least two feet of awkward dead space between them. Ashley kept trying to inch closer to him, but Kristoff met each advance with another pout. 

Anna glanced down at her corsage. Seeing those sunflowers reminded her how happy she was with Hans; how thoughtful he was to remember what her favorite flowers were… _so thoughtful_. So happy.

Smiling blissfully while walking into the resort’s ballroom, she caught herself gaping stupidly the second she saw the decorations. Everything was in the theme—Arendelle Royale. Colossal light up dice lined the entryway, the walls were a perfect combination of sparkly gold, black, and red. There were even massive, larger than life sized poker chips and playing cards surrounding the entire space, amongst the dance floor and casino tables. Casino tables— _so fun!_ Poker, roulette, and blackjack, at the very least. And shit, she freaking _loved_ blackjack. If the music ever dipped into some not-so-great dancing music territory, she knew she’d run straight to that table. 

There were also waiters in stuffy black tuxedos wandering the expansive space, holding trays of delicious looking mocktails and hors d ‘oeuvres.

The dance floor was empty but done up in some striking and fancy marble type look. Fake marble, duh—but it still seemed super glamorous. 

Her mind shot to a visual of her and Hans standing on the fake marble dance floor… his hands on her waist… her hands around his neck… both of them gazing into each other’s eyes longingly, lovingly… swaying to the beat of Wonderwall or Always Be My Baby or Truly Madly Deeply or any of her other favorite slow songs. They would whisper sweet nothings to each other. Probably fifty separate I love yous. And then they would kiss for a while, romantically. Perfectly. By this point, everybody else at Prom formed some kind of circle around them to admire how wonderful and adorable they were as a couple… or, rather—as _friends with benefits_. And they cheered for this romantic kiss. They whooped whooped and hollered and jumped up and down, really going all out for Anna and Hans. 

Maybe they were Prom Queen and King.

Of course. Yes. In this visual, they both wore crowns. 

That wasn’t actually possible, of course. Since this was _junior_ and _senior_ prom, the by-laws of Prom court said that you had to be in one of those grades to actually win the titles. 

But her daydream ignored that bit of fine print entirely. 

The moral of the story… she couldn’t wait to dance with him. She couldn’t.

“Wow, it’s so pretty.” Anna couldn’t keep this thought to herself anymore.

The DJ started playing Deep Blue Something’s _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ and Anna’s toes instantly started tapping. She couldn’t hold in her dancing. The song was too good, and she needed to break free. 

But it seemed like most of the other guests were still getting settled, helping themselves to some food or starting in on a rousing game of poker or who knows what else. 

The beat swelled, and Anna’s head began to bob up and down and up and down. 

Hans gave her a sideways glance. 

So, she leaned into it a bit more, rocking side to side. “Do you wanna dance?”

He shook his head. “Not right now. I’m going to get some food,” he said. “And maybe do a little bit of drink mixing,” he added with a wink. 

“But didn’t they say they’re gonna use breathalyzers this year? Like, we can’t leave the dance until we’ve all done the breathing-into-the-tube sitch?”

Hans rolled his eyes. “They always _say_ that. But it’s never happened before. Trust me, babe.”

“Oh. Okay.” She supposed she’d never seen them use breathalyzers before... Unless there was someone who _really_ seemed like they had a problem. They’d get pulled to the side, tested, and sent into the whole rage cage of doom. Where kids were also sent if their dancing got a little too raunchy.

Raunchy dancing _totally_ fine for dances like glowdown where it was all blacklight and sweaty juniors grinding on freshmen, but at such an event at prom, no dice. Too classy for that shit.

Into the Prom jail, they would go. 

Anna needed to keep _that reminder_ in her head for the rest of the night. Because she was on such a life-high, she worried she’d forget almost every single rule. 

Oh, snap, yes—such a high. Elsa moving back to California… it was like the best dream she ever had in her entire life. 

But tonight—finally—it wasn’t a _dream_. Elsa had decided months ago that she wanted to move back to California to spend more time with her sister. More time with her sister! More time with Anna!

After _six whole years_ apart… 

And nothing could stop her. Nothing at all. 

She was at prom, Elsa loved her so much that she changed her life’s trajectory to actually spend time with her sister, and Anna had a man by her side who loved her, too. 

Yup. 

Tonight was the night. For sure. _For sure_ for sure.

“So, um…” Anna whispered. “What did you bring, then? To put in the…”

“Gotta couple flasks in my jacket. Dealer’s choice,” he said, winking. 

Anna laughed. “Awesomesauce.”

Once Hans eventually acquired enough punch and a free not-very-heavily patrolled corner of the ballroom, he poured some whiskey for himself and tequila for Anna.

Okay. Now it was _even more_ necessary that she kept all those reminders in her brain and didn’t get, like, kicked out of super-classy-prom because she wasn’t super classy.

She needed to take things easy, maybe. Go slowly into the night. Perhaps she needed to start with some blackjack. 

Looking at Hans, she nodded toward the blackjack table. “Wanna play?”

“Nah. I’m solid. You go, though, babe. I’ll catch ya later.”

“Oh,” she said, a little bit dejected. “Okay.” But then she noticed that at the table sat someone with swoopy straight blonde hair and quickly recognized the back of that boy’s head. Kristoff. He loved blackjack, too. Naturally.

And she didn’t feel the least bit dejected anymore.

Besides, Hans had loads of friends in the junior and senior classes and Anna was just along for the ride. She didn’t know many people at all. It made sense he wanted to hang out with his BFFs on his own for a bit.

Maybe he’d even spend his time telling them how much he loved and supported his fabulous friend with benefits and the end-goal was to ask her to be his girlfriend in due time. On her birthday, maybe. Because she used to say… 

But maybe now it’d be tonight. 

She slid into the seat next to Kristoff. “Hey, stranger.”

“Feistypants,” he said.

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out!”

He smiled at her softly and then looked at her for a while, taking in her appearance. Anna pushed back her shoulders a bit and sat up straighter. Kristoff smiled wider and then said, “Ashley bounced.”

“Like, bounced from _prom_?”

“No. Bounced from me.”

“Oh. Yeah. Hans, too.” Anna noticed he looked a little sad. “You wanna try some of my drink?”

“No thanks, I’ve got my own.”

“I mean… you wanna try some of my _drink?_ Like, drink drink. Not drink like _your_ drink,” Anna said, her voice somewhat hushed but her eyebrows went mad trying to explain. “You get it?”

“Uhhh… sure?” He definitely didn’t get it, but he reached out to take a sip anyway. The second his eyes widened to saucer-level, Anna knew he understood. “Can we split it?”

Anna nodded enthusiastically. 

It was just the two of them at the blackjack table. Not even one other soul took the time to walk by and see what was happening. They had blackjack all to themselves.

Anna won so many chips already but was still behind Kristoff by one green chip and one blue chip. She’d make it up, though. She swore.

The dealer was nice enough. Didn’t try to make any conversation. Didn’t seem like he was listening that hard to _their_ conversation, either. 

Which Anna took to mean she had an opportunity.

She was still walking on water with the Elsa news. Still so sure she knew how she wanted this night to end. It wasn’t her birthday, but it _was_ a huge milestone—her first prom. And, like, objectively, prom was super cliché, but maybe there was a reason for its cliché-ness. Maybe everybody and their mom was onto something when they lost their virginities on prom night.

It made her giddy. But also scared. But… _mostly_ giddy.

She turned to face Kristoff, then. Ignoring the blackjack table, ignoring the dealer. “I have something exciting to tell you.” Anna beckoned for him to lean in closer to her, so she could whisper. Not that she _really_ cared much if the dealer caught any of this. 

“Okay…”

“I think…” She just about squealed. “I think I’m gonna do it with Hans tonight!”

“Wait, what? You and Hans—you’re gonna… with Hans—together. You’re going to…”

“Do it. You know it—the big eye-tee.”

“I know what _doing_ _it_ is.”

“Oh, yeah, well—yeah. It’ll happen, um—tonight, I think. He’s sleeping at mine after this.”

“Cool,” Kristoff said, turning back to the game.

“You think? You think it’s cool?” Her voice got an octave higher when she said this. If he thought this was _cool,_ then maybe that meant he thought _she_ was cool. 

Maybe it meant he thought she was more… mature. Older. Perhaps if he thought she was _cool_ and _mature,_ then she wouldn’t be a little sister to him anymore. 

All he said was, “Sure.” Which left Anna with a funny taste in her mouth. She didn’t know _what_ to think. 

Anna trudged on. She was starting to regret not talking about this with him earlier. “Sooo. Thing is. I know he’s done it before. And that’s a good thing, right? He can teach me how.”

Kristoff shrugged.

“Oh…or—maybe it’s bad? Maybe… I mean, what if he judges me against the other people he’s been with? Because I haven’t done it before and that means I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’ll probably be awful, and he’ll _know_ I’m awful, so—do you think? Maybe… is it better to, like, stumble through everything with someone else—someone who hasn’t done that stuff before?” 

“Oh, I…” Kristoff’s cheeks turned bright red. “I guess, yeah. That would be nice.”

Anna nodded solemnly. This made her really scared. Now she was nervscared instead of nervecited. “Okay. Um—you think that’d be better?”

“I don’t know.”

Chewing on her bottom lip, Anna took a deep breath. “He’s been wanting to for a while, and—before, in, like—March, I think… when he first asked if we could, I said I wanted to wait until my birthday because then I’ll be _fifteen_ , and that felt like a better age to do it for the first time, you know? But that’s less than a month away, like, I’m practically 15 already, and who even cares how old you are, right? If you’re ready and you want to, why does that even matter?” She tried her best to not sound like Elsa as she said this almost direct quote.

“Anna…” Kristoff exhaled, looking her plainly in the eyes. “Who are you trying to convince?”

“Nobody! Nobody at all, I swear. I’m just… letting you know.”

He kept staring at her, breathing deeply. His eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t think it matters how old you are…”

“Right. Okay,” Anna said, offering Kristoff a half-smile. She was so… confused. She didn’t know what she wanted anymore. “So, um—do you think I should?”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do here, Anna.”

“But… you’re my best friend. I need—I _want_ to know what you think.”

“I think it’s your decision. If you want to, then you should.”

“Oh, okay.” Anna felt herself deflate. Did she actually want Kristoff to tell her no? Did she want him to say that it would be better if they… _if we…?_

She didn’t have time to properly digest this thought because she felt a light tap on her shoulder.

Her head whipped around to see Hans standing over her, scowling. 

“Anna, there you are,” he said as he placed his hands protectively on her shoulders. “Come on, let’s dance.”

She remembered now that she was at Prom. Aqua’s Barbie Girl played on full blast over the speakers. One of her favorite songs. She could already feel herself dancing in the seat.

And then her eyes scanned the ballroom, and she noticed that _now_ the dance floor was packed. She didn’t even know if there was a Hans-and-Anna sized hole left for them. But it was worth a shot, she supposed. 

But then Anna took one look at Kristoff, and the distressed look on his face made her feel all sorts of guilty. “Oh—uh—I wasn’t really finished with the game yet. Kristoff’s ahead right now but I only need to win a couple more chips and I become the _ultimate champion_!”

“Come on. You love this song.”

True. The song Barbie Girl had just come out. Like, literally. That month. And Anna already knew every single last word.

“I know. I do…” She thought he’d spend much more time with his BFFs… but Kristoff would understand. Probably. Maybe. “You good, Kris?”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice cracking. “I’m good. Great, actually.” He forced a smile at Hans. “You go, Anna. Have fun.”

“Okay, bye!”

Anna grabbed hold of Hans’s hand and they bounded to the dance floor, thankfully finding a spot big enough for them to dance in the fullest, most enthusiastic way they could. 

She swayed her hips and rocked hardcore along to the beat, while Hans took it upon himself to turn it into a proper duet. 

They alternated the lyrics, they did the robot, perfectly in sync, and then they danced the running man, laughing the whole time.

Anna’s eyelids fluttered, and she smiled, her heart full. When he hit the extremely-low-and-definitely-out-of-his-range notes of ‘Come on Barbie, Let’s Go Party,’ flexing his spring-baseball-season muscles, she doubled over in laughter. 

She loved this man. 

And he was _funny_ and he could _dance_ and he was a _junior_ and he had eyes only for her. 

She loved him so much.

As they turned their dancing to the lawnmower, the shopping cart, and Anna’s signature flight attendant move, she got a little lost in the shockingly risqué lyrics. For her in this moment, something hit differently when she heard the words’ undress me anywhere.’

Because Anna realized she hadn’t talked about any of her current musings with Hans yet. And that… felt like something she should do. It would probably make this night all the more special because they would both be anticipating something so beautiful. Making love for the first time.

She pulled him closer, draping her arms over his shoulders, bringing him close enough to whisper in his ear. 

“I want you to do that to me tonight.”

“Huh?”

“You know—the song. The… undress me part.” 

Hans pulled away from her enough that she could see a twinkle in his green eyes. That she could see his mouth curve into an amused smirk. “I can do that.”

“And I mean—not like… not like any time you’ve done that…before. Because. Tonight I want—um… what I _mean to say_ is that…” She took a big gulp of air and then said with such resolve, “I’m ready.”

“You’re ready?”

“Mmhmm. For… you know. For.” She whispered the last word. “ _It._ ”

She hadn’t even finished the half of that tequila drink she split with Kristoff. She felt entirely sober. Not even a tiny bit buzzed. And she didn’t think she _wanted_ to drink more tonight. She was so damn ready that she didn’t want anything clouding the experience. She wanted to feel this kind of love in the most sober of states. She was ready. Really, really ready. The readiest. 

And when she felt Hans’s soft lips cover hers, when he brought his hands to rest nicely on the small of her back, she could tell that he wanted this, too. Not that it surprised her, but… it was encouraging, still.

The music changed suddenly to an entirely new vibe. I Swear. All-4-One.

They kept kissing, swaying in time to the slower beat.

Anna found herself utterly mesmerized by this. By him. 

Sure, they weren’t _prom royalty_ like in her dumb visual or whatever. But this seemed pretty damn close. 

“Are you excited?” The blank expression that washed over his face made Anna realize she had to continue, “For, um—us. Tonight.”

“I’m _really_ excited, babe.” He cupped her face and gave her another kiss. 

She rested her head on his chest, still mesmerized. Still completely transfixed by him and prom and _Elsa_ and everything else that was going so perfectly in her life. Her wishes were coming true.

All she needed now were her parents to get the picture, but _that_ was a wish that belonged to the birds.

“I love you,” she said, sighing contentedly against his shoulder.

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, too, babe.”

She squeezed him tighter, feeling teary-eyed from all the great emotions building up inside of her from his words and this song and the warmth of her body pressed against his. 

Prom was the best night of her life.

Bar. None.

And it would only get better…

They danced the night away in each other’s arms. They closed the place, really. They were among the last to leave, and Hans had chartered a white stretch limo to carry them back to her Newport Peninsula beach house. 

They made out the whole ride.

And once they made it to her family’s second home, Anna’s heart started beating incessantly.

They had the place to themselves. Obviously. Anna had planned it this way. 

And the second she and Hans stepped through the door, butterflies zoomed about in Anna’s stomach. Really, really zoomed. Super zoomed.

She was just so nervous and scared and also excited and giddy in all the most conflicting and terrifying ways. 

But she wanted to. She wanted to do it. 

The only thing—the _one_ thing Anna worried about more than anything else was the gut-wrenching fear that she would somehow be so awful at it that Hans would never want to be with her again.

That somehow giving herself to him in the most intimate and loving of ways would send him running. 

Because what she wanted—her _end goal_ of sorts—was for the sex to serve as the catalyst for him to finally label their relationship. 

She needed a boyfriend. She needed Hans to be her boyfriend.

She would come out of this night as a woman and as a girlfriend. 

Prom night—a milestone. A big, important night in her life. 

One box checked.

She thought back to the vision. Milestone and then… roses. Okay. 

Anna scrambled away from Hans for a second and told him to wait. She wanted to make this perfect, so she had a little bit of work to do.

No roses were to be found, but Anna noted the beautiful sunflowers that rested on her wrist.

She smiled. A new direction. 

Anna took off her corsage and scattered the flowers everywhere around her room. Chanting to herself a chorus of _he loves me, he loves me not_ as she tore the petals away. 

The final petal _—He loves me_. Thank fuck. Would’ve been a bad omen to end on _he loves me not_. 

The room wasn’t exactly _covered_ in flower petals like she imagined, but this would do. 

Another box checked.

She lit a couple of the Bath and Body Works candles she had lying around her room. Okay. Ambiance. Check. 

And then she turned back to Hans and took a nice, long, deep breath. This was it.

It was about to happen. She felt it in her bones and in her body and in her heart.

The fear escalated, then, but so did the excitement. 

She was ready. She wanted this. 

And Elsa said that was all that mattered. And _Kristoff_ said that was all that mattered. So, that was all that mattered.

They kissed, they moved to her bed, and then Hans pulled out a condom. All the while, her nerves worked into a crescendo of ultimate intimacy… 

And then it was over.

Quick. Very, very quick.

And honestly… it wasn’t great. It hurt a little bit and didn’t really feel like much. 

But, at the same time, Anna thought it was perfect.

They had just _made love_ and… Anna was convinced that it changed her life. 

And now, now that it—her first time—was all over, she had to admit that she _did_ feel different. Her cheeks were flushed, her entire being felt more _womanly_. If that were even a thing. Anna wasn’t just some girl anymore, no. She was a mature, sophisticated woman. 

As they cuddled, Hans had turned to her, still heavy-lidded, and cooed, “You were really great.”

_Really great._ Really great! If that weren’t the best validation she’d received… that all of her fears meant nothing. Anna Larsen _did in fact_ measure up to Hans’s past lovers.

She mentally patted herself on the back. Success. Resounding success. 

Perfect. 

Except—the one thing… the one _little_ thing that maybe had the potential to make it a teensy-weensy bit less-than-perfect…

When they cuddled... when they started drifting off into dreamland… 

He didn’t mention anything about being her boyfriend. 

In fact, one quick _I love you_ later and Hans was reduced to nothing but a few soft snores.

Girlfriend and boyfriend both decidedly absent words.

It made her stomach fall—all the boxes weren’t checked.

But… her brain worked overtime to convince herself that perhaps it didn’t matter after all. 

No. It didn’t matter. It _couldn’t_ matter. They had expressed their love in the most physical way possible. 

And it felt really special. Boyfriend or not.

So, she mentally checked the box anyway. 

Check, check, check.

And besides, he could still mention it in the morning.

Anna drifted off to sleep peacefully, smiling, and, most of all—proud. 

Because now she finally had someone who loved all of her.


	7. Anna's Birthday - June 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna celebrates her 15th birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter got so long I had to split it into two haha so this is one-half of Anna's birthday festivities :) The most Orange County, CA birthday festivities of all-time, honestly heh. And a resounding thank you to my friend and her sister who went on a Duffy Boat ride much like this one and allowed me to adapt it for the purposes of Frozen fanfic ;)
> 
> Normal warnings apply for this chapter - underage drinking and language, with the addition of homophobia in this one. Also tw for some emotional abuse. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing!!!!! I appreciate it SO much, like seriously!

June twenty-fucking-first.

Another year. Fifteen, now. 

And… Anna was excited, objectively, sure. At her very core, she felt excited because she knew she _should_ be excited. But still, the very nature of this date always left her with a huge pit in her stomach.

There was just so much pressure. So much hope and want and desire for the love she craved to fill her first moments of fifteen.

Anna _used_ to think she loved her birthday. The attention… the entire day naturally being _about her_ —like, she knew she was supposed to enjoy it. She loved attention. She’d never deny that.

But…

In reality, her birthday stressed her out. There were all these expectations. Wanting people to acknowledge her, surprise her, and do all these special things to show they care. And yeah, this was probably way too much to ask on her 15th birthday but she wanted to feel … desired.

And yet she worried that wouldn’t happen this year. 

Because her birthday was and had always been so full of disappointment.

Elsa forgot. Her parents forgot. Over the years one or two or all three of them forgot. They would ignore her the whole dumb day and then Anna would end up sobbing alone in her huge stupid room that had no reason to be so huge when it felt so lonely.

So far today, not one member of her family had acknowledged her. Her mother was definitely taking a nap or something. Who the hell knew where her dad was… and Elsa hadn’t called ( _yet_ , Anna thought, maybe too optimistically), but she was busy at this pre-college academic program at Pomona. So _she_ had an okay excuse.

At least this year Anna got to spend her birthday with Hans. With Hans, maybe it’d be different. He already made the prom milestone so special that she had no doubt he’d do the same for her birthday. 

No disappointments this year. Fingers crossed.

And how could she forget? She had _Kristoff_ , too. And Kristoff never forgot. Kristoff always tried his best to make it special.

In fact, he’d already done something for her—he’d left her a card and a mixtape. This had to be her 37th Kristoff Bjorgman mixtape. And every new tape was better than the last.

He... well, um—that gesture alone made her feel desired. 

She was officially on her third listen of the mixtape, and the sweet sweet tunes of Modest Mouse’s Dramamine filled her room.

In the past, he tended to include recordings of Pissed Off Kids, but Kristoff had made it extra special this time—the final song of the tape was instead a solo of Kristoff’s smooth tenor singing Better Man by Pearl Jam. Naturally he also hit all of the epic guitar riffs. 

Anna loved it.

This lovely thought paired with the swelling sounds of Dramamine put her in a trance. Deep in her emotions, Anna swayed to the beat, instantly craving something more. 

_Traveling swallowing Dramamine_

_Look at your face like you're killed in a dream_

She crawled on the floor and under her bed, pulling out a blue plastic box that housed her entire stash. The stash was once discovered by the family’s housekeeper, Anna (pronounced A-nuh not Ah-nuh), who subsequently revealed it to Agnarr and Iduna. Obviously, they did nothing about it. Duh. They gave zero shits. Zero. And it had devastated her, somehow. To not be yelled at or grounded… to not have her entire stash confiscated. 

_And you think you've figured out everything_

_I think I know my geography pretty damn well_

Clearly, Anna had no reason to hide it anymore but leaving it out in the open took most of the fun away. So here it was back in the blue plastic box under her bed. Various bottles of alcohol, rolling paper, a pipe, a lighter, some weed, and an unopened bottle of Xanax with Iduna Larsen’s name on the label.

_You say what you need so you'll get more_

_If you could just milk it for everything_

Actually, come to think of it—Anna’s entire stash had been collected from her parent’s room.

_I've said what I said, and you know what I mean_

_But I can't still focus on anything_

Looking squarely at the box and its contents, Anna bit her lip. She needed this. And, why? Well, it was a combination of her baseline birthday nerves and the aftermath of the intense sob-fest she had when the oh-so-topical So Unsexy by Alanis Morrissette played on Kristoff’s mixtape. Oh, and of course the fact that her parents probably fucking forgot her birthday _yet again…_ So, she took out the rolling paper and the Ziploc baggie that contained a few grams of weed. 

Then, some weird crashing sound echoed from her window, which made her gasp and spook slightly. 

Walking over to the window, drawing the curtains, and emerging onto her Juliet balcony, she noticed Hans and his goofy grin, standing in the driveway like he was a regular John Cusack.

When she saw that he had a bunch of tiny pebbles in his hand, it all made sense. 

Anna’s heart fluttered. She loved it. She, like, literally _loved_ it. So romantic. 

“Can I come up?” He shouted, and Anna blushed. She was basically real-life Juliet at this point. 

“Of course!” Anna called, and Hans started off in a sprint toward the rose trellis that led up the side of the house and into her window. “You don’t have to sneak in, you know!”

But he smiled devilishly and yelled, “I want to!”

Anna laughed and rolled her eyes at his definitely not-necessary efforts, but her stomach also did a few backflips. It was literally 500 times more romantic for him to climb up the trellis than it was for him to simply walk through the unlocked front door. 

He pulled himself onto the balcony and Anna kissed him deeply. She couldn’t help but sigh—she was so, _unbelievably_ happy to see him today.

“Happy birthday, babe,” he cooed in between kisses. 

“Aww, thank you! I’m so happy you’re here.” After kissing a few more times, they ended up back in her bedroom where Kristoff’s singing now boomed through the room. Anna’s eyes fell to the blue plastic box— _right_. She had plans. “I was gonna do a little something to, uh, match the general vibe of this mixtape Kristoff made for me if you maybe wanted to join?” Anna gestured to the rolling paper and Ziploc bag.

Hans shook his head but then did a double-take. “Kristoff made you a mixtape?”

“Yep! He’s made me, like, tons of them.”

_She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man._

“Who’s this? Pearl Jam or some shit?”

“Yeah, but not—"

“Damn, he really thinks he’s emo, huh?”

“—because it’s Kristoff who’s singing. Pearl Jam cover, yeah, but…”

_She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man._

Hans laughed, heartily. “He’s pathetic.”

…huh?

“What?” 

“You’re telling me he specifically chose _this_ song to sing _for you_ , recorded it, and then actually had the balls to give it to you?”

“Uh-huh.”

Another robust chuckle from Hans.

Anna furrowed her eyebrows. “What’s the big deal?”

“Are you even listening to these lyrics?”

“Um, _yes_ , I—"

Hans laughed again. “You have no idea, do you?”

Anna pouted. She hated feeling naïve. Especially now that she was such a _woman_. Fifteen and a woman. Not naïve, not anywhere near naïve. 

“No, I ... I know. Duh. I _totally_ know what you’re talking about.” But she really didn’t. She had no idea what the hell he meant.

“So fucking pathetic,” Hans said, shaking his head. “But whatever. He’s not even a little bit threatening, is he?”

Threatening?

_Oh._

Ohohoh _oh._

Hans thought… no way.

Kristoff _wasn’t_ pathetic. He wasn’t pining after Anna or whatever. No duh he wasn’t. Absolutely no way.

They were just friends. 

And, besides, Kristoff chose these songs because he knew Anna would like them. There was no connection between the themes or lyrics of the songs and how he felt about Anna. None at all… there _couldn’t_ be a connection, because if there were, then… the whole _sister_ thing was bullshit. But it wasn’t. No way in hell. Like, it couldn’t be.

Then why was Hans so convinced?

Before Anna could give this another thought, her bedroom door flew open.

She reflexively ran to the plastic box stash and kicked it back under her bed. For no real reason beyond wanting to keep some kind of classic-teenage air of mystery about herself. 

Not that she had any earthly idea who the hell was coming barging into her room on this particular day at this particular hour.

But then when she saw the hint of blonde hair zooming past her and then engulfing her in a huge hug, she beamed. Elsa. Exactly who she wanted to come barging into her room.

“Anna!” She exclaimed as she hugged and hugged and hugged her sister. “Happy happy happy birthday! Fifteen—wow. I’m absolutely thrilled that I get to celebrate with you today.”

Anna didn’t want to pull away. So she didn’t. She held on tighter, savoring this moment she thought would never in a million years come to pass. “I’m really happy too, Els. I thought… weren’t you at school? How’d you even get here?”

“Mom and dad picked me up.”

“…really?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Why?”

“So I could be here for your birthday.”

“They should really just get you a car or something so they don’t have—” And then the pin dropped. “Wait, what?”

Anna finally pulled away from her sister and stared at her incredulously.

“Yeah—they picked me up so we could have a proper celebration.”

“But…wait. You’re saying…a proper celebration for… for my birthday? _Our_ parents wanted to do this? For me?”

“At Hans’s insistence, actually.”

“Hans?” Anna’s eyes darted to her not-boyfriend. “You… did this?”

“Only took a couple phone calls with your parents, a few with Elsa. And then magic was made.”

“I can’t believe you did this for me.”

“Of course I did, babe. I love you.”

Anna’s heart fluttered the most it had ever fluttered. It fluttered so much she honestly worried it might fly away out of her chest and off the balcony or something totally wild like that. 

Hans was perfect. She was so lucky to have Hans. The perfect not-boyfriend who made her birthday okay again. More than _okay_ , rather. Magical, wonderful. Perfect.

She didn’t even notice as Kristoff’s next selection, All Over You, started playing in the background.

And then the door swung open again and the two essential strangers she called parents walked in to also swarm Anna with massive hugs.

It felt… strange. Uncharacteristic. Almost like… almost like seeing a teacher at the movie theater, sitting down to watch the same movie you’re seeing with friends.

That level of weird.

But at the same time, it was a type of weird that Anna embraced more than anything else. 

Because her parents were hugging her… they were _acknowledging_ her.

They hadn’t forgotten her birthday.

“I rented us a Duffy boat for the afternoon,” Agnarr explained. “Kai set it all up for us—stocked with the best Cristal and naturally Anna’s favorite charcuterie board.”

“Ooh cured meats. A birthday delight.” Shit Anna had no idea how to interact with her parents anymore. Who even was this person—cured meats? Like yeah, she loved cured meats of course but _damn_ this felt awkward.

“Actually, we should consider heading out soon. Don’t want to find ourselves on the blacklist at the Yacht Club, you know.”

That may sound like a joke but their close family friends actually did get blacklisted from the Yacht Club. Well, it had much more to do with some kind of scandalous drug and prostitute type situation than it did with being late, but… the fear was there.

“Should we bring your stereo?”

“Oh, yeah! Yes. Great idea. Kristoff actually made me a mixtape for my birthday, so—yeah. I’d love to have that along for the celebration too!”

They brought the speaker. They brought the Cristal and the charcuterie. Anna brought her now sunny and enthused birthday disposition.

Her family. And Hans. All together. Right now. On her birthday. Like, shit. 

It felt like something out of her absolute favorite dream of all time.

And, yes, this whole Duffy boat thing was the most freaking Orange County plan of all time. But that meant her dad had to have planned ahead, since Duffy boats booked up ahead of time. 

She felt so loved. _So_ loved.

Once they arranged themselves in the boat, Anna turned on the stereo. So Unsexy played again, but Alanis didn’t get to her this time. Nobody had forgotten her birthday. She wasn’t alone. She felt, like, _confident_ for once… damn. This was nice.

Hans moved to sit next to Agnarr, looking for a lesson about driving the boat, and Iduna sat close to the two of them, smiling. It was a Good Day. Anna could already tell.

“Aww, Alanis?” Elsa asked.

“Yeah!”

“Wouldn’t’ve expected Kristoff to put this on his mixtape.”

“Well, I mean, it’s because of you.”

“What? Really?

“Mmhmm. Because he, um, he knows how much Alanis means to you and because Alanis means so much to _you_ she means so much to _me._ I really—”

“That’s so sweet.”

“You mean it?”

“Yeah.” Elsa leaned in to give her sister a huge hug. “I’m happy I get to spend more time with you.”

Anna relaxed into Elsa’s hold. She would thank the stars every day for this magnificent change. “Me, too.”

“Did you know the song You Oughta Know is about Uncle Joey?”

“Shut up. Really? For real?”

“For real for real.”

“No shit,” Anna laughed. “I didn’t think he had it in him.”

“Yeah!” Hans chimed in. “No pull for Uncle Joey.”

“But, wow, yeah. Um,” Anna’s cheeks flushed red and she locked her eyes with Hans. “Guess he must’ve been pretty mind-blowing in bed.”

Hans winked at her and Anna all but shivered on the spot. Hold it together, Anna. Hold it together.

But Elsa entertained them zero, shaking her head. “He took advantage of her,” Elsa explained, crossing her arms over her chest. “He’s _fifteen_ years older than her. And they’d already broken up when she was 21, so who knows how old she was when they started…”

Anna bit her lip, worrying this was getting a little personal. Hans was only _two_ years older than her, so. Different story, right?

Eh. Maybe not according to Elsa.

She needed to change the subject and impulsively blurted out, “I wanna get blackout. Right now.”

Elsa shook her head again. “Anna…”

“Yeah! I mean it! You too, right? You’ll do it with me? Let’s blackout on this Cristal. Yeah?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“Oh, come on. Ms. Boring! I didn’t ask for your judgmental-as-shit opinion. Do you wanna blackout or do you wanna blackout?”

“Uh—neither?”

Anna pouted. “Boo. Boring.” She looked to Hans for more support, but he’d turned his attention back to Agnarr and the steering wheel.

“I’ll _drink_ with you, but I don’t want to blackout. I wanna remember you turning 15.”

Anna chewed on her bottom lip. “Oh… yeah. Well, I guess I do too. Since it’s so great and all.”

“I’m not boring,” Elsa smirked.

“Prove it.”

Elsa grabbed the bottle of champagne and twisted the cap a little hesitantly but still enthusiastically. It made a loud popping sound and a little bit of the liquid spilled from the top, but both Anna and Elsa cheered when the champagne was deemed officially free.

Elsa poured them both tall glasses, and then she poured three more, remembering there were other people on this Duffy Boat and not just the two sisters. 

All five raised their glasses.

To Anna. Who was now officially fifteen. Old enough to legally drink Cristal on a Duffy Boat, right? Totally.

And then Agnarr perked up, suddenly remembering his eldest daughter was also on this boat. “So, Elsa… can you tell me again why you chose _Pomona_ over Harvard?” The way he said both school names made it more than clear how he felt about Elsa’s decision. Pomona sounded like he smelled the sweet stench of vomit infested garbage. In contrast, Harvard sounded like a choir of angels sang at the gates of heaven. 

“I needed a change of pace.”

Agnarr laughed. A literally massive guffaw. “Harvard could’ve been a change of pace.”

“I don’t really—”

“But, at the end of the day, fine, you’re majoring in what—finance? Which means that your classes at this bullshit liberal arts doohickey will be miniscule. And you’ll get more time with the professors, get better letters of rec, and then end up at the Stanford GSB like your old man. That’ll really seal that fucking deal, you know? You’ll be in tip-top shape to take over The Company. Harvard or not.”

“I’m not gonna major in finance, dad.”

“Oh? So what’s the plan, then?”

“I don’t know. I like Anthropology, or maybe something like PoliSci?”

“Politics? Really?”

“Yeah,” Elsa said, her jaw clenched. “I’d love to clean up some of the damage you’ve done to this country.”

A tense silence filled the air. Elsa crossed her arms over her chest and took a nice long sip of champagne.

Until Iduna piped up, “Well, if you want _my_ opinion—”

“I don—" Elsa started.

“—a pretty young thing like you can’t work around Bill right now.”

Agnarr guffawed again. Profoundly. He raised his glass and cheered, “Oh ho ho!” Like he won some kind of stupid battle he wasn’t even in. 

Anna was utterly lost. She’d already downed one whole glass of Cristal and poured herself an entire new one without anybody noticing. Hah. Classic. 

She didn’t _really_ want to admit she was, like, this stupid or politically unaware or whatever but she also wanted to feel like part of the conversation, so she said, “Wait, what? Has something happened?”

Hans gave Anna the benefit of the doubt. “Nah, but he’s known for being a pussy hound.”

“Okay! Enough! That’s _not_ why I said I wanted to major in PoliSci. We don’t need to get into—"

“No, no, no. This is important, Elsa. You better watch out,” Agnarr said, ignoring her plea entirely. “Listen, I don’t know how a man like Bill gets it up for a woman like Hillary. She looks like such a dyke. Not that I respect the bastard that much, but he could have any broad he wants. Any broad like _you_.”

“No—” Elsa raised her voice, but Iduna chuckled.

“Since she’s got _my_ cheekbones!”

Elsa’s entire face had turned a cherry red. She was mad. Fuming, really. “—you can’t say that.”

“I can say whatever the hell I want.”

“You can’t say that,” she repeated.

“Why not? You think you’re some holier-than-thou judge of character?”

Elsa’s jaw was still insatiably clenched. “I want to go home.”

“Els?” Anna reached out her hand to touch Elsa’s shoulder in a way she hoped brought at least a marginal amount of comfort.

“Seriously,” Elsa begged, her eyes glistening with what looked like fresh tears. “Can we turn this boat around? Please?”

A lump formed in Anna’s throat and she swallowed it down. She didn’t want today to end like this, so she tried to redirect. “Um… but—we’re having fun, aren’t we? You… how about we drink more champagne?”

Anna knew Elsa was mad. She knew that their parents had upset her _beyond belief,_ but this was the only time she’d spent with all of them in the same place in… literally forever. She didn’t want it to end prematurely. No matter how mad Elsa was. Besides, Anna had been there, too. She’d been on the receiving end of comments like that countless times. 

It stung, sure. But it wasn’t unexpected. That was just what happened when you spent time with Agnarr and Iduna. They were like parasites.

But the kind of parasite Anna still yearned to have in her life… if that made any sense at all?

Thankfully Elsa seemed to snap out of it a bit and turned back to Anna. “I’m sorry, yeah. You’re right. I…” She added in a whisper, “I shouldn’t let them get to me.”

“Yeah—no. Never!” Anna beamed. Crisis averted. “Drink more!”

Elsa took one big gulp of the champagne. “Maybe now’s as good a time as any. Um… I have something for you.”

“Oooh for me?!” Anna squealed when Elsa pulled out an envelope from her back pocket. 

“Open it.”

It was the cutest handmade card ever. What Anna recognized instantly as something they would exchange as kids. Classic white printer paper, cut out into the shape of an A. And inside was the sweetest note of all time. Not long. Never long. Elsa wasn’t the most feelings-y. Or not so much that she wasn’t feelings-y, but she didn’t really have a knack for expressing all of the feelings that brewed deep inside her soul.

_Dear Anna,_

_Happy 15th! I'm sorry I haven't spent a birthday with you since you were still in elementary school, but I'm hoping to make up for lost time starting now. I'd love to treat you to a sister/sister disco night at the roller rink as your present; some special time with just the two of us. How does that sound?_

_I love you so much, Anna. I'm thankful for you today and everyday._

_Love,_

_Elsa_

Anna squealed. Literally squealed-all high-pitched and everything. “Oh my God! Elsa! This sounds so, so, so fun! I’m so excited I can’t wait I’m, like, literally the most excited ever for real I’m, like, _oh snap_ I’m rambling but that just means you know how excited I am!”

“I thought you’d like it.”

“Like it? I _love_ it!”

“You can choose whenever you want to go. I can find a way to get here.”

“Okay! I can’t wait!”

Anna had always considered herself forever an experience over a material present person. And an experience present from _Elsa_ of all people only made it all the more special. Quality time with her sister. Shit, she was _so excited._

Honestly, ‘so excited’ hardly began to cover it. Anna was ecstatic. Absolutely ecstatic.

It felt almost like… everything was going perfectly. Kristoff’s music played in the background. Hans and her dad had started laughing and carrying on what seemed like meaningful conversation… Iduna was smiling to herself as she usually did on a Good Day. And here Elsa and Anna were. Together. For the first time in forever.

“I’m so happy!” Anna yelled this loud enough that everybody snapped to attention, expecting a speech or something of the like. “This has to be the best birthday I’ve ever had in my whole life. I… thank you for not forgetting. I know—that’s happened before, but—"

Iduna clicked her tongue. “What are you talking about? We’ve never forgotten your birthday. We’re your _parents_.”

…what?

Was Anna wrong? Had she made it up? She _thought_ she remembered several birthdays in a row her parents had forgotten… since… probably since Elsa had been shipped off to boarding school. It happened at least every other year. 

But.

Her mother seemed to think differently. And Anna knew she could be a bit dramatic sometimes. 

So…

Maybe that was all a load of BS and Anna was actually absolutely bonkers. 

Shit.

“Anna, dear, your mother’s right. We’d never forget your birthday,” Agnarr explained.

Okay, yeah. All right. So then she was literally bonkers. Batshit crazy. Living in some kind of crazy dream world?

“Okay,” was all Anna said, in a tiny voice. She didn’t know what to think. 

Except that maybe she really was crazy after all.

But she tried to push that aside. Something to unpack a bit more later.

She needed to enjoy this moment.

And due to this decision, from that point on, the Duffy boat ride went smoothly. They drank their champagne. They finished a few bottles. More than any of them would care to admit, especially because Agnarr and Iduna served the alcohol to minors and whatever. But regardless, they had a great time. In the end.

Sure, Elsa refused to speak to their parents, but thankfully she was never put on the spot again so that really didn’t put a damper on anything.

Hans kept Agnarr company, Iduna kept to herself, and Anna and Elsa spent the entire time talking each other’s ear off about literally everything. 

Anna made sure to include all of the dirty details of her own life. Her chest puffed out when she talked about Hans and everything they’d done to celebrate their not-relationship that Anna still continued to make Elsa believe was a real relationship.

But eventually, it came to an end.

The end of an era. The end of this somewhat happy family dynamic Anna wanted to have 100% of the time. 

Agnarr and Iduna hugged the girls goodbye. They were getting dinner with some friends and had to dash. 

Which left Elsa, Anna, and Hans to fend for themselves. 

Anna was a little bit disappointed that her parents had left them alone, but after what she considered such a great afternoon, she didn’t want to dwell on it.

Focus on the positives, Anna! Keep those in mind!

So, she turned to Hans. The orchestrator. The one who made it all happen.

“Oooh, Hans!” Anna jumped up to give him a peck on the lips. “That was awesomesauce! Like, hands down the best birthday—I totally, _totally_ loved it, thank you!” 

“Hold that thought, babe,” he smiled, snaking one hand around her waist and using the other to cup her chin. “I’ve still got one more thing planned.”

“Really, really? You do?”

“To the beach house!”

Anna giggled. She loved him. She now officially loved her birthday. She couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is curious, here's Kristoff's full mixtape haha
> 
> Novocaine for the Soul - Eels  
> What I Got - Sublime  
> Untouchable Face - Ani DiFranco  
> Dramamine - Modest Mouse  
> Follow You Down - Gin Blossoms  
> Here and Now - Letters to Cleo  
> Claire - Jimmy Eat World  
> So Unsexy - Alanis Morissette  
> All Over You - Live  
> Better Man - Pearl Jam


	8. Anna's Beach House Birthday - June 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna still celebrates her birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you all for reading!! Here is part 2 of Anna's birthday which also got to be a little bit too long but hope you enjoy!
> 
> Warnings for this chapter include underage drinking, discussions of underage sex, and language. Anna doesn't really drink responsibly in this chapter, but you should! Hehe ;)

“Surprise!” A chorus of voices echoed through the entryway of the Larsen’s Newport Peninsula beach house.

Hans flipped the light switch and several grinning faces beamed back; hands raised in an excited stupor.

“Happy birthday, Anna!” The chorus echoed.

Anna’s eyes lit up as she scanned the crowd—all her best friends were there. Kristoff, of course. Sven, Olaf, Ryder, Ashley, Bebe.

They’d hung a banner, somewhat shoddily painted by the likes of probably Kristoff, and the gesture made tears prickle in Anna’s eyes.

Hans threw a hand over her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “Thought you deserved a rager, too.”

Anna laughed, tears still prickling. The fact that he thought she deserved anything…

And then she turned her head and saw Elsa, cheeks still red from her tipsiness, and Anna lost it into quiet sobs. “Thank you, guys!” She could barely choke this out.

“Ashley and Bebe arranged the whole drink situation and I think that’s in the kitchen? If we all wanted to do a round.” Hans’s hand had floated down distinctly to Anna’s ass. Her cheeks burned.

When she noticed that Kristoff had narrowed his eyes at the pair of them, she bit her lip nervously.

Was Hans right?

No? No. Nonono. Forget this, Anna. Forget. It.

And she did. 

Music started blasting from who the hell knew where, but it was Pony by Ginuwine which meant this was officially a rager, and Anna was already so drunk she felt a little wobbly. But she was also super excited for this shot.

Because there were so many people who loved her and it was her birthday and she spent the first bit with her parents and Elsa and now all her friends…

Whew. Deep Breaths. 

The emotions overwhelmed her again and she felt the tears flowing, but she trudged into the kitchen anyway.

Kristoff had beaten them there by a mile and already poured all the Don Julio shots into tiny red plastic cups, handing them out with a smile and a wink (to Anna at least).

“Anna, happy birthday,” he said, smiling, raising his plastic cup.

Her heart fluttered a little and she just knew her cheeks had turned a deeper shade of crimson. 

“Anna, hi! God, it feels like I haven’t seen you in five-ever.”

Anna giggled. “Hi, Olaf.” Her eyes narrowed when she saw her friend holding one of the shot glasses. Olaf said he didn’t want to drink until college. Good on him, she thought. Knowing the massive hangover, she would have tomorrow made her think Olaf had a sixth sense. “What are you drinking?”

“Red bull.”

She laughed heartily at that one. “Red Bull? I’m gonna have to send you on a run along the beach to get all that energy out.” 

“I’m great!” He exclaimed way too excitedly.

“Okayyy, attention, attention!” Sven cupped his hand over his mouth to give himself a little extra volume over the beats of Pony. “Anna is 15! And happy surprise party to her – tonight, we drink. Thanks to Hans for arranging this little shindig. Thanks to us for getting the party started. Are we ready?”

Everybody cheered.

“Then without further ado… arriba, abajo, al centro, al dentro.”

Ashley and Bebe had naturally forgotten the salt and the limes and literally any chaser other than red bull, so Sven was met with many horrified coughs. But at least now the job was done.

Anna jumped up and down. She thought the tequila hit her instantly. “Hot tub?!”

“Beers to go!” Hans opened the fridge and started chucking Coronas to everyone as the ran out to the front yard.

It was completely pitch black already. Nobody could see anything but the eternal blackness of the boardwalk, the sand, and the ocean. Even the BBQ area and the hot tub were hard to discern. Still, soon enough everybody changed into their bathing suits and hopped in, realizing a little too late that the hot tub was not, in fact, hot and instead actually somewhat cold. But they were too tipsy to care.

They were all squeezed in – Elsa and Anna next to each other, with Hans to Anna’s right and Ryder to Elsa’s left. The rest had filed in wherever they saw fit.

“Hey, uh—Elsa. I hear you’re going to Pomona?” Ryder asked in an especially friendly manner.

“Yes. I’m doing a pre-college program now to get in the swing of things.”

“Ah. Rad.”

“Mmhmm,” Elsa nodded while sipping her beer. 

“My sister’s going there too!”

“Really?”

“Yeah—her name’s Honeymaren. She’s cool. I bet she’d love to know somebody before starting, if you’re—if you’re cool with that, I can hook you up.”

Elsa blushed. “Hook me up?”

“Yeah, you know—put you in contact, whatever—so you’ve got a friend before you start.”

She bit her lip. “Oh, sure.”

Then he laughed. “Ohhh you thought I meant hook you up hook you up. Nah. Didn’t mean it like that. And anyway, I don’t know what the whole dude sitch is there, but I’m sure you two could find that whole shebang out together.”

“Yeah,” she swallowed. “Maybe.” And then let out a long breath.

“Let’s play a game, let’s play a game!” Olaf chanted.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Anna squealed. She loved games. “Okay! Which game?”

“Ten Fingers!” Bebe yelled a little too loudly. She was at least two shots in. “You put out ten fingers and then someone says, like, never have I ever… given head or whatever and if you’ve done it you’ve gotta drink so everyone knows you’ve done it!”

“I’ll go first,” Hans smirked, snaking his arm around Anna once again. “Never have I ever flown coach.”

Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff were visibly the only ones who didn’t drink.

Kristoff next. He narrowed his eyes, furrowed his brow, and then spoke, “Never have I ever flown. In a plane. Ever.”

Drinks all around, and Sven immediately had a response ready, “Never have I ever done drugs, other than weed.”

Hans was the only one who drank anything.

“Interesting,” Sven said.

“Never have I ever been drunk!” Olaf exclaims, his go-to answer for this kind of game.

Groaning in unison, they all polished off a bit more of their beers.

“Never have I ever watched porn,” Bebe said with resolve. “I want some real dirt.”

Anna, Elsa, and Ashley and the boys minus Olaf took proud sips of their beers.

“WHAT?! You’re telling me girls watch porn? The hell?” Ryder can’t shake his confusion.

“Um, duh,” Anna rolled her eyes. “We’re not another species.”

“Never have I ever…” Ashley gulped, unsure where to take this. “Blacked out.”

Anna’s jaw dropped. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Huh.” Anna drank her beer, frowning when she realized it was empty. “Aww. All gone.”

“I’ll get some more,” Hans murmured. “This game’s lame anyway.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “You’re only saying that because you’re losing or … winning—which is it?”

“Winning,” Hans said as he climbed out of the hot tub and turned away.

“I can help you carry stuff!” Olaf ran after him.

“Okay. My turn,” Ryder bit his lip. “Um. Never have I ever been in a band.”

“You suck,” Kristoff whined.

“Yeah, Ryder. Go to hell.” Sven flipped him off.

Elsa, next, rubbing her hands together nervously, eternally unsure. “Never have I ever…eaten a hamburger?”

“Shit, really?” Sven was more than taken aback.

Elsa nodded, prompting everyone to drink even more. Anna grabbed Elsa’s beer and took a couple gulps from it. 

Aaaand okay. Now—officially—all of the alcohol hit Anna. The world kind of … actually very noticeably so started spinning.

“Laaaaame,” she said, her words starting to slur a little bit. “We’ve gotta kick it uppa nosh, hmm? Never… have I ever… had sex in a forest.”

Nobody drank.

“Hmmm… nobody? Nah one body? Nah any one of you? Okay.”

Kristoff scooted closer to Anna and puffed out his chest. “Never have I ever had sex on the beach.”

Anna took Kristoff’s beer this time and stared deeply into his eyes while she drank sip after sip. Again, nobody else drank.

Then Sven. “Never had I ever had sex in the car.”

Anna deliberately sipped on the beer again.

“Never have I ever had sex in a hot tub!”

Laughing maniacally, Anna took several long gulps of the beer. “Nah this one though! I… swear!”

“Good,” Bebe replied, scrunching up her nose. “Well, um. Never have I ever had sex.”

Anna took an uninspired sip. Not dramatic when they knew all the other places she and Hans had explored… but when she looked around and noticed not a single soul except… was that Elsa drinking?

No way. Elsa?! She’d have to debrief this later, like. Majorly.

But, seriously? Nobody else? Like... shit.

Why had they taken it so far with all those random spots, then? Almost like... they were baiting her or something.

And besides… more than anything, it surprised her. Anna thought most everyone had done it. At least, she hadn’t considered herself particularly early, really. But if Ashley hadn’t done it, despite Hans making it seem like they’d hooked up before, then Anna was beyond confused. Crisis mode. Because if they hadn’t and in general if Ashley-the-17-year-old hadn’t… then oh freaking snap maybe she was early. Not that she regretted it, but. It still felt weird to be one of the only ones. She didn’t want to feel like a slut or something. Shit.

Yeah. Okay—she was a slut. Anna Larsen, the slut. Shitshitshitshit. 

Except, there was that one silver lining. 

Elsa drank, too. 

No wonder she gave such good advice about doing it for the first time.

Ashley shrugged. “Never have I ever kissed a girl.”

But Anna could think of nothing but the word slut on repeat so she couldn’t begin to comprehend who drank to that one. 

Slut. Slutslutslut. Slut. Anna’s a slut. Anna Larsen’s a slut. Slutslutslut.

But… at least she was winning the game? Right? 

Yeah. When Anna looked down at her hands, she realized she was crazy close to officially sealing the deal of her win.

Or did winning this game make her more of a slut? 

This was hopeless. Might as well embrace it. She had no regrets.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Anna proudly showed off her right hand. “I only have wwwww-one finger left!” And then, all of a sudden, she remembered the most important, juicy detail of the night. So Anna backtracked, leaning over to her sister. “Wait. El…sa. You had sex? Why di’it you tell me?” She had tried to whisper but in her drunken state had abysmal volume control.

“You saw me drink?”

“Mmhmm.”

“You didn’t… did you see me drink for any other ones?”

“Mmm, couple. But I dun care about those. Lass I saw for drink wash the sexy time one and I wanna know the story! Story time, story time!”

“I don’t want to tell the story, Anna. And it’s … it’s not exactly what you think. It’s different, but… I’m not ready to talk to you about this, okay? I... I wouldn’t have answered it if I were sober.”

“You sure soun sober, sisser.” Anna took her index finger and jammed it into Elsa’s chest bone. Elsa's cerulean eyes didn't even read as amused which made Anna jut out her bottom lip. “Come on, tell me!” 

“Another day, okay?”

Anna huffed and blew a piece of wet red hair out from her face. “Fine,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, grumbling, “Beee that way. Another day, wha-evah.”

Elsa bit her lip. “Hey, you know what?”

“Whuh?”

“I think I need to eat my words about Hans.”

“Yeah?!” Anna’s eyes lit up and she squealed. Not a slut, not a slut. 

“Yeah. He’s… he seems like a good guy. He put in a lot of effort for you today. I can’t believe he talked to mom and dad, I mean—that’s a huge effort in and of itself.”

Anna giggled and nodded. “Huuuge.”

“So, anyway, he’s—"

“I got more drinks!” Hans called from the sliding glass door. Olaf bounded in after him. “Would’ve been back sooner had Olaf not talked my ear off about everything he loves about Anna.”

Olaf shrugged. “Wanted to make sure you know how special she is.” And then he hopped back into the hot tub.

“Awww,” Anna cooed, giving Hans a sloppy kiss on the lips as he handed her the drink. “Thanks babe.”

“No prob.” His eyes became half lidded and he didn’t let go of her face, bringing her in for another kiss, even sloppier this time, definitely with tongue. One hand trailed down her body and onto her thigh—her upper thigh, and he squeezed her skin. Anna shivered and kissed him deeper.

Fuck it. Slut or not a slut she was happiest here, like this. With Hans. 

“Um. Dudes? Game’s not over.” Ryder tried to wave his hand in their peripheral vision, but all four eyes were decidedly closed. 

“Earth to Anna? Earth to Hans?” Sven had started full-blown yelling, and at the same time Kristoff had retreated to his shell, his eyes also closed for some reason.

Anna giggled. “Hah—earth. Thassfunny, Ashley.”

“Um. It’s Sven. I’m Sven.”

“Oh-kay, yeahhh. Sure, you are, Ashley. Thassa good one too. I didin know you were so fuuunny!” Hans’s hand squeezed her thigh again. “Should we finish the game?”

“I think, maybe…” Elsa looked around, trying to garner support from her sister’s friends. “We can just say you won?”

Anna giggled and pumped a fist into the air. “Yeah! Cool! Go me!”

“I’m gonna get you some water.”

“Thanks, sisser,” Anna said, yawning. “Soo… whadda we do now? Ooh! I know! Go… I wanna go… swimming!”

Before anybody could stop her, Anna raced out of the hot tub and then to the beach.

Kristoff chased after her.

“Anna, Anna, wait wait wait wait!”

She spun around so quickly that her body couldn’t take it and she fell dramatically onto the sand with a huge plop. “Oof,” she exhaled before cracking up.

He dashed to her side, sliding with ease on the sand, somehow, and making sure she was okay.

Then, he reached out one hand and touched her protectively on her shoulder. She shivered at the touch, smiling when she noted how soft and kind his brown eyes were in the moonlight.

“I wanna go…schwimming.”

“In the ocean?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Are you… are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Mmhmm.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt. I want you to be safe.”

“You…wan me to be safe?”

“Yeah, I—I do.”

Anna thought back to what Hans had said earlier. About Kristoff being pathetic and all that—it wasn’t true. Anna knew it couldn’t be true, but… she wanted to tread those waters maybe a little more than she wanted to wade out into the actual ocean. “Because you looooove me?” Okay, there it was. Out.

A palpable silence overcame them both.

And then Anna leaned back so her head rested on his chest. Kristoff hesitated initially, but then steadily draped his arm around her shoulders. 

Still silent.

In a flash, something happened, a penny dropped maybe, and Kristoff tensed up completely. 

Okay, so ... either Hans was right, or ... he was completely, utterly wrong and Anna just made a complete fool of herself. Great. Excellent. Wonder-freaking-ful!

Anna couldn’t let this silence go on for any longer. She whispered, “Like a sisser.”

And then he sighed, “Yeah.”

Ha! See, Hans? Her not-boyfriend was so frigging wrong. Kristoff loved her like a sister. Not... whatever. 

But then why did Anna suddenly feel so disappointed?

“You my bessfrien,” she sighed into his chest. “Thank you fo keeping me safe.”

He didn’t say anything else, just held onto her tighter.

Until.

“Anna!”

Hans’s voice.

“Anna! You didn’t actually go swimming did, you?”

Anna laughed and tried to stand back up but had much difficulty, swaying so heavily that Kristoff came to her aid. “No!”

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“To bed? Oooh.” She tried to strut toward him, but her stumbling created a real fall-risk. Hans rushed to help her, shooing Kristoff away in the process.

Within seconds Hans’s mouth was on hers again, like in the hot tub, to the same graphic degree. All Anna could think was yes. She was so happy. He planned the most perfect birthday she’d ever had in her life and now she was here kissing him. Yes—happy. Perfect. Best birthday she could ever wish for.

All thanks to Hans. 

Kristoff visibly grimaced and tried to push past the couple. He grumpily uttered, “Goodnight,” but this word made Anna perk back up.

“Kris?” How had she forgotten he was here? Dumb shit, Anna. Drunk or not. Kristoff continued to trudge away from the couple, but a very determined Anna clumsily sprinted to catch him. “Sorry bout dat. Um—thank oo for tonight. I… is been a guh-reat birthday.”

He stopped the second she caught up to him and let out a sigh. “You’re welcome, Anna.” His eyes darted to Hans quickly. “Are you… I know you’re—are you good to, um, be with him tonight? I meant what I said earlier—I want you to be safe. I want to make sure you’re safe.”

Anna nodded and said, “Thanks, bessfren. I’m great—safe! Happy and in loooove.” She smiled blissfully and impulsively got up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his right cheek. “Goodnight, Kris!”

His eyes grew to the size of saucers and his cheeks flushed red.

“Good…good morning! I mean night. It’s night. Um—goodnight. Goodnight, Anna.”

But by the time he finished speaking, Anna was already back with Hans, kissing him fervently, and paying Kristoff no mind.


	9. Newport Peninsula - August 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Anna have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO since I posted chapter 8 somehow this story has made it to 100+ comments and 100+ kudos and my heart is literally soaring at the thought of that. I was so nervous to start posting my fics online thinking I'd just be typing and writing into the void of either nothingness or terrible reviews but THANK YOU to everyone who has said such nice things and taken the time to read what I've written. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate each and every one of you :)
> 
> This chapter features some discussion of sexuality and coming out. Also warning for language as usual. 
> 
> And a special thank you to Molly, Laura, and Rhianne for all helping me come up with a ~cool~ nickname Honeymaren has for Elsa haha

_"Baby, don't you sign that paper tonight" she said_ _  
"But I can't work in fast food all my life"_

As the final notes of the Pissed Off Kids’ cover of Sell Out echoed throughout The Blue Beet, Anna jumped up and down probably fifty times.

There was very little Anna loved more than watching Kristoff perform. He commanded the stage in such an… awesomesauce way. Plus, somehow his eyes always locked with Anna’s when he hit the best notes, which made her feel like she was the only person who mattered.

Hard to imagine tonight, though, as Hans and Elsa had both tagged along.

Easy enough now that Elsa had her own car. It took only one week after Anna’s birthday for their parents to gift Elsa a shiny new Audi A4.

And ever since then, the two sisters had been practically inseparable.

To the point where Elsa wound up at some seedy joint in Newport third-wheeling Anna and her not-boyfriend Hans.

 _Hans._ Even just thinking his name made both her heart and her stomach do a thousand somersaults.

It meant so much to her that he wanted to spend his Saturday night supporting her best friend and his band.

The applause lasted for a while, and then died down. Anna knew they only had one more song left in this set.

Right when Kristoff opened his mouth to start singing When, someone tapped aggressively on Anna’s shoulder.

Ryder.

His eyes lit up when he focused and finally recognized their faces. “Oh, hey, guys! There you are!” He turned back to yell and gesture to someone else. “Here they are! It’s not even that big of a place and we’ve been searching high and low for you guys.”

Anna giggled. “Yay, Ryder! So happy you could make it!” She gave him a quick hug. Elsa and Hans both politely waved.

“And I’ll do you one better,” he said. “I brought my sister with me—Maren, well, Honeymaren’s her full name, but she’s the one I was telling you about, Elsa—”

“The one who’s going to Pomona, yes. I remember.”

“Yup.”

“Honeymaren, Elsa,” Ryder said, nodding between them. “Elsa, Honeymaren!”

 _When will the clouds finally part_ _  
All I am is a broken heart_

“Oooh I somehow always forget how much I _love_ this song!” Anna jumped up and down again. “Don’t you love this song, Hans?”

He let out an unamused “Ha!” to match his growing smirk. “Kristoff needs to take a fucking chill pill.”

Hans was convinced this song also had a little something something to do with Anna.

But Anna still stubbornly disagreed.

“So, you’re starting at Pomona next month?” Honeymaren yelled so loudly that Anna could hear her so much clearer than the music.

“Mmhmm. And you are too?”

“Yup!” Honeymaren’s smile kept growing wider. “So, E—can I call you E? Is that cool?”

“Oh—yeah, um, sure.”

“What are you thinking of majoring in?”

“I’m not really sure. Anthropology’s catching my attention the most right now.”

“Ooh, Anthro. That’s pretty rad.”

 _I used to run away and climb the tallest tree_ _  
When there was hope in me_

“What about you?”

“Maybe Science, Technology, and Society. Maybe neuroscience. Not too sure, really. Only thing I know is that I wanna go to med school.”

“Med school?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re—that’s… wow. That’s amazing.”

 _I wish I could’ve said what was on my mind_ _  
Interruption to the past_

Honeymaren shrugged, seemingly not thinking it was amazing in the slightest. “You got any big plans for the future? You look like someone who might.”

“Nah, no. Well… I know what I’m supposed to do—work for my dad and The Company, but—”

“You don’t think you want to?”

“No. No, I don’t.”

“All right—big picture. You’re looking at your life—your _best_ life—and you’ve got this great career. And you’ve got this perfect family. If … that’s something you want, that is. Power to you if it’s not. But anyway, your life is great. You’re really happy. You’re fulfilled! Jazzed! What’s it that you’re doing? Working for your dad and The Company, or…”

“I want to be a lawyer.”

Honeymaren full-out beamed. “Looks like you’ve given it some thought, huh?”

“Yeah, I… I guess so,” Elsa said, fumbling with her dress. “And… and…” Hesitating for a bit, Elsa eventually stopped talking, biting her lip instead.

This sudden halt in conversation made Anna whip around to give her sister a curious look. Anna was rooting for her to make a new friend. Friends were the best—magical. Elsa deserved some fun, great, supportive California-slash-Pomona friends. And Honeymaren could easily be one of them. At least, it sounded like they were hitting it off.

“Go on. I wanna hear,” Honeymaren urged. “And, what?”

“And…” Elsa took a deep breath. “Not some corporate lawyer either. I want to… _do something_. I want to represent people who might not otherwise get a voice.”

“Damn, E. _You’re_ the amazing one.”

 _I used to run away and climb the tallest tree_ _  
When there was hope in me_

 _Maybe hitch a ride all the way down to the beach_ _  
And I was thinking, what I was thinking ya know_

Anna had refocused her attention to the brooding redhead who stood next to her. Throughout the entire song, Hans had gone through stages of pouting, crossing his arms over his chest, and moving about grumpily side to side. Anna, however, had taken Hans’s—could it be labeled as jealousy at this point—grumpiness in stride and danced her heart out to the song, cheering incessantly when Kristoff hit the final note. Ryder cheered right alongside her, but Hans only gave Pissed off Kids a couple golf claps.

Both Elsa and Honeymaren clearly hadn’t heard the song start, crescendo, or end because they were so engrossed in their own conversation.

It wasn’t long before the men of the hour, Kristoff and Sven, made their grand entrance into the crowd. Deafening applause and cheers filled the air, and Anna led the group in forming some kind of spirit tunnel for the boys to run through.

Once the band made it through to the other side, Anna jumped onto Kristoff and gave him such an enthusiastic hug.

“Kris!” Her arms could barely reach around his neck, so she settled around his midsection and gave his slightly soft stomach a tight squeeze. “You were the bomb out there! Like, _what?_ How is my best friend so freaking talented?!”

“Thanks, Anna,” he said, rubbing her back with his arms, slowly, hesitantly.

When she pulled away, she noticed that Kristoff and Hans were engaged in some kind of freaky stare-off.

Whatever.

“She’s right, Kristoff,” Elsa said, smiling widely and proudly. “You were wonderful—you sure have a lot of talent. And you, too, Sven!”

“Yeah, Sven!” Anna cheered. “You killed it!”

“Eh, it’s no big thing. Kristoff’s the real talent—the brains _and_ the heart of PoK,” Sven explained, elbowing Kristoff a little too hard in the ribs as he did so.

“Did Kristoff come up with the thing with the horns?” Anna initially asked Sven, but then immediately changed course and turned to Kristoff. “Did you come up with the thing with the horns?”

“The horns? You mean in Sell Out?”

“Yeah, I think so! Second to last one.”

“Reel Big Fish uses horns—that’s a big part of the song.”

“But … how did you learn to play them?”

Kristoff shrugged. “It wasn’t that hard. And once I learned I taught Sven.”

“It’s outrageously hard to learn how to play horns, by the way,” Sven whispered, but loudly enough for everyone to hear him perfectly. “Kristoff’s just got some insane superhuman musical talent. Plus, it was hella hard to sing _and_ blow—on the horns—but Kris got it, like, day one.”

“Hell yeah!” Anna pumped her arms up and down. “That’s my best friend!”

“Superhuman,” Sven repeated.

But Hans was having none of this, made clear as day by the distasteful scowl that painted his face. “So, what do we do now?”

“We could… I don’t know—get tattoos?” Anna wiggled her eyebrows. She knew Kristoff’s local place was right around the corner from this venue.

“Come on, Anna. You don’t want a tattoo,” Hans said, rolling his eyes and placing a stern hand on her shoulder. “Beach house?”

Anna’s face fell a little bit. She, like, didn’t _actually_ want a tattoo. Duh. It was a joke, really. Nothing more than a simple joke. And… Hans hadn’t humored her. Which shouldn’t be _that_ big of a deal, but it still made her sad. He’d made her feel small. And Anna originally thought only her family could make her feel that way.

 _Snap out of it, Anna._ Hans didn’t mean it like that. Hans was nothing like her parents.

And, look, now he smiled at her. Like, not a big deal. Clearly not a big deal. Nothing like her parents.

_You’re the one who needs the chill pill, Anna._

“Sure,” Anna said in a small voice. “Elsa?”

Elsa bit her lip and shrugged. “Works for me.”

“Kristoff?”

“Nah, I should probably get home. Thanks for the invite though.”

“Us, too,” Ryder said, nodding his head at Honeymaren who gave an unenthusiastic nod.

“All right.” Hans seemed impatient, for whatever reason. His foot tapped incessantly and he efforted out a frenzied, “Should we get going?”

Elsa’s cheeks burned red. “Oh—yeah. I guess so,” she said, nodding her head toward Honeymaren. “I’ll, um… I’ll see you around?”

“You bet,” Honeymaren replied, beaming. “Have a good night!”

So, the three of them filed out of The Blue Beat—Elsa, Anna, and Hans—and squeezed into Elsa’s car. Hans reached out to interlace Anna’s fingers with his own, which helped her start to feel better.

 _Why are you so damn insecure?_ was all she could think.

Less than five minutes later, they successfully pulled into the beach house. Anna was disappointed to see that the garage already occupied by Agnarr’s Porsche.

To put it lightly, things had been a little tense ever since Anna’s birthday. Elsa hadn’t said one word to either of their parents. And fair, _of course._ They were horrible to her. And it quite literally pained Anna to see her sister in pain.

As a result, Anna stood firmly by the fact that Agnarr and Iduna have nothing to do with Elsa until she cooled off.

And yet here their father was.

“Dad’s here?” Elsa asked, outwardly groaning at the thought.

Anna’s heart dropped a little bit. “Guess so.”

“I can distract him,” Hans offered. “If you two wanted to have a little fun without me. I’ll join after I’ve convinced him to give us the place.”

“Really?” Anna looked at him questionably. “That’s so nice of you, Hans.” Okay. Now she felt _a whole lot_ better. Chill pill taken. Hans clearly cared. He clearly listened. He was kind and considerate and _not like her parents._

And…wait— _Oh my God_! Anna just remembered something super, super frigging juicy _._ And it had probably been long enough since her birthday to actually bring this up? Without Elsa getting testy? Shit, she sure hoped so.

“See ya, Hans! Elsa and I have _loads_ to discuss!” Anna exclaimed, her eyes sparkling in a mischievous manner. “Don’t we, Els?”

“Huh…wha—” Before Elsa could finish that thought, Anna grabbed her arm and yanked her away, pulling her forcefully up the stairs and into one of the bedrooms.

“We’ll catch you later!” Anna yelled from halfway up the stairs already.

Huffing and puffing from all the excitement and the sprint and also basically carrying all of Elsa’s weight in her arms, Anna frantically closed the door.

Confused, Elsa crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s this all about?”

“I’m just—I’ve been _waiting_ for us to be alone alone since my birthday!”

“We’ve hung out a lot since then, Anna.”

“But never like this! Never just, you know, two sisters at home having a heart to heart.”

Elsa raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

“Okay, maybe I’m not sure. Maybe we’ve hung out alone alone a lot. Mayyybe I just forgot about this until literally right now. Well, not right now right now. But before, when I started pulling you all this way.”

“Ah.”

“Aren’t you gonna ask what it is?”

Somewhat amused, Elsa smirked. “What is it?”

“You drank during Ten Fingers,” Anna explained. After dropping this bomb, she plopped onto the bed.

“We all did.”

“When Bebe said she’d never had sex.”

“Oh,” Elsa gulped, sinking down into the bed to sit next to her sister. “Right—yeah. You asked me about that, um—in the moment, but I honestly didn’t think you’d remember.”

“No, no! I remember that.” Anna grinned. “Not that I remember what Kristoff, Hans, and I were getting up to on the beach in a… totally not weird way. That came out weird, didn’t it?”

“A little bit.”

“Kay, well. You drank.”

“I did.”

“Can you tell me about it? _Please?_ I told you all about me and Hans!”

“You told me _too much_ about you and Hans. For the record.”

Anna’s face flushed red and she gave a long, loving sigh. “Sorry. Sometimes I just get so carried away when I think about him.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“What? You haven’t been in love? Were you not in love when you… did it?”

“No, I…” Elsa sighed. “I don’t know if I’m ready to tell you.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s… personal.”

“I can handle personal!” Anna cried. “I’ve told you literally everything that’s happened to me, ever. In ‘too much’ detail, apparently. So. You can tell me.”

Elsa took a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll…um, it was with this person who was in all my classes at boarding school. We were friends for a while, and eventually—this January—we realized we had feelings for each other, in a, um, _more than_ friends-type way… and then everything sort of happened.”

Silence followed Elsa’s confession. For a couple minutes, probably. Anna simply couldn’t believe that this was the whole story. No way, no how. Anna kept waiting for more. Holding her breath for all of those little details that she craved.

But Elsa never opened her mouth to say anything else. So, it _was_ the end?

“Elsa, come on! That can’t be the whole story! It’s so… vague! More details, please?”

“I… I don’t know.”

Anna grabbed Elsa’s hand reassuringly. “I’m not like mom and dad, okay?”

With that, Elsa took another deep breath. “It’s not the same kind of sex you have with Hans.”

Anna’s eyes narrowed at Elsa. “Ohhhkaaay…” This felt weird—suspicious? Or… not suspicious, really, but something else. Something unclear. Elsa was getting way too cryptic.

“Well, some if it is, I guess, but… it’s different because it’s not with… well—it’s not with a _Hans._ ”

“Duh it’s not with a Hans,” Anna giggled. Cryptic for no real reason, obviously. “I don’t think that’s a common name at all, it’s really—”

Elsa shook her head. “That’s not what I mean. It’s not… what I’m trying to say is that—it’s not with a Hans, as in—not with a boy or, or a _man_ or someone with a…” Grimacing, Elsa closed her mouth tightly. Not saying that word. Letting Anna fill in the blanks.

And then she did… Anna allowed herself to really think. To really listen.

She began to understand.

Ohohohohoh _oh_.

Not with a _man_ … so that meant… so that meant it was with a woman?

And if the whole _doing it_ thing was with a woman, then that probably meant that Elsa liked women and was attracted to women, generally? Probably? Yeah?

Well, that was… surprising, sure. But wait—should it actually surprising, _really_? Anna hadn’t known her sister, truly, since Elsa was 12 years old. She’d be willing to bet that it wouldn’t be so surprising if they’d actually remained close during all those years.

Which meant that Anna couldn’t help but mourn a little bit. This was a glaring reality of all those years they’d missed out on a real, true, close relationship.

Anna hadn’t known about Elsa’s first crushes. Or her first kiss. Or her first time… or which gender of person all these milestones were with.

Shit. Anna’s stomach was in knots. Aching, tumbling knots. Tears were threatening to break free from her eye sockets in a totally graphic way, but she did everything in her power to keep that from happening.

Because ultimately it wasn’t about her.

This was about Elsa.

And Elsa had been right—this _was_ personal. But it was also vulnerable, and it also was raw.

Anna found herself so thankful that Elsa decided to share this.

And in that moment when Anna felt words just couldn’t suffice, she reached out to wrap her arms around sister in the biggest bear hug possible.

“I love you,” was all Anna said, and Elsa squeezed tighter.


	10. Hans's House - November 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hans and Anna have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Sorry it took me a bit to update again – I’m back on rotation so things might be a bit slow for the next few weeks! But then I’ll be pretty free and hopefully speedy with updates as we lead into the ummm major conflict bit of the fic.
> 
> Huge thank you to Laura for talking me through the names of Hans’s brothers and to Rhianne for talking me through how I wanted to structure this chapter and the next! AND also thanks to Rhianne (Tamorasky on tumblr and Ao3) there’s officially a playlist for All I Really Want: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CGqPf8kiK0PPF35bIXGxN?si=7A_1zhaeSu2z4Iui7XQyzQ (I'm sorry I have no clue how to do a hyperlink!! oops)
> 
> Warnings in this chapter again – language and drug use. Please don’t do drugs because a fictional character in my fanfic does! But more on that later!! AND PLEASE FORGIVE ME

“I’m getting old, babe,” Hans sighed. So dramatic. This whole day—his birthday—had already been filled with hundreds of comments like this. 

Such a weird existential crisis to have at his young- _ ish _ —or really, objectively young—age, but Anna never argued with it. She never argued with him, period. She couldn’t… not when she still wanted him to see her in the  _ girlfriend _ sense. Shit, had she really played the long game here.

They were in his room; Anna sat up against the headboard while Hans splayed his body out dramatically in the middle of the bed. 

Another classic evening for them. Nothing different aside from it being Hans’s birthday and all. 

They were slowly readying themselves for another random party to end their night, which seemed to be the standard these days. Anna’s sophomore year had kicked off just like her freshman year had ended. Parties every weekend—a touch of studying here and there... sometimes. 

“When do you hear from SC again?”

“December 14.”

“That’s coming up.”

“No shit, Anna,” Hans rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t help.”

“Right,” Anna squeaked. “Well, I’ve got faith in you. If, um, if my faith counts for anything!”

“Only counts if it counts for SC,” Hans said, making Anna pout. He tried his best to remedy the situation by scooting closer to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and laying his head on her stomach. “What am I gonna do without you next year, hmm?” 

Anna smiled and ran her fingers through his flame-red hair. “I don’t—something, I guess. Well, I mean. I’ll still be here. I’ll be a junior! Um—getting older, too. Like you’re… supposed to do. Um. Yeah. I’ll still be here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll probably—I’ll hopefully have a car by then and I can drive up and visit you and we can spend our days like this—”

Ugh, more rambling—so embarrassing.  _ Pull yourself together, Anna. _ Please. 

Girlfriend material. 

Be the very essence of girlfriend material. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Hans said. 

Girlfriend. Material. Play it cool—coy. “Oh?”

“This whole year feels like it’s going to shit. I don’t know how I’ll get through any of it without you. Next year, too. My brothers keep telling me those SC finance classes are fucking impossible. And you’ve… you’ve been good to me, babe. You’ve been great.”

Her cheeks blushed a cherry red, and she bit her lip,  _ hard _ , trying to keep herself from rambling again. One deep breath and all she said was a simple “Thank you.”

“And I think… I haven’t been fair to you.”

Wait… 

Huh? Was it… could this  _ actually  _ be it? For real for real? 

No. 

He was just getting all weird and whatever. Because of his ‘old age.’

But… what if… 

Because, for the past however many months since they’d been dating… oh God,  _ ten _ months already, she’d waited for him to say something like this. 

It was like… she could finally breathe. Maybe. Hopefully.

Shit she was probably getting way ahead of herself. Getting her hopes up again. Like she always did. He was probably going to break up with her because he only had a few more months before graduation, and then he’d go to college and find all these super-hot sorority girls who could put out for him in much better ways and oh shit. 

Oh  _ shit _ . 

Nonono. Breathe. Maybe it wasn’t either of those things. Maybe he would just say something dumb like he hadn’t taken her out to dinner enough or something. Despite them being  _ just friends _ , despite the label of not-boyfriend or … well, frankly—the completely absent label.

But Anna’s hopes were still incredibly high. Or rock-bottom. Really, it could go either into hugely euphoric or deeply tortuous territory. “What… exactly do you mean?”

“I haven’t been fair to you. I’ve… it’s like I’ve been using you or some shit. Saying we’re  _ just friends _ and all that.”

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. 

Anna had to pinch herself to make sure she hadn’t dreamt up that phrase. Ow—okay. Not a dream.

So then…

Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.

But… it was too good to be true. It  _ had  _ to be. 

Her hopes clattered to absolute rock-bottom. 

Because, again. What if… what if this weren’t the  _ good  _ conversation she wanted, what if instead this were the… end. 

Shit. Oh my god. Fuck.

Anna barely croaked out, “You haven’t been  _ using  _ me. I love you. I’m happy to be, um, just friends, I—”

“I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Anna’s heart literally stopped in her chest. Her mouth went dry—completely dry—and her jaw dropped to the floor. Her picture could literally be next to the word ‘shocked’ in the dictionary it was that stereotypical, but it didn’t even matter. 

The fact of the matter was this: she was comfortable with  _ friends _ . 

And if the alternative was the  _ rock bottom _ —ugh, she shuddered at the thought. 

But anyway. 

If he didn’t want to be friends, then did he want to  _ break up _ ? 

Yup. Rock bottom. Her brain officially entered catastrophe mode.

Because breaking up somehow seemed a hell of a lot more likely than him finally deciding he wanted to commit to her.

She gulped. “So, what—”

“Shit, Anna. Get with the program here. I wanna put a label on… us. I wanna be your boyfriend. I wanna call you my girlfriend.”

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Her heart raced again. She didn’t expect this. She  _ wanted  _ it—shit how she wanted it—but she never imagined it happening like this. Now. 

That’s what months of disappointment had done to her. 

“What? Wait, really? After… you’re not kidding? We’re not on some prank show or… you’re serious?”

“I swear on my brother’s life. Kaleb, too—you know, oldest brother. So, you know that’s gotta mean something.”

“I…” Her face turned a ghostly white. Her jaw was still on the floor  _ and then some _ . This was… paradise. All of her wildest dreams. “I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

Hans brought her in for a passionate kiss. Anna sighed, thrilled. More than thrilled. 

“That’s the best birthday present I could ask for,” he mumbled into the kiss.

“Mmm.”

“Fuck—yeah. I kinda realized that I can go to college or whatever—you know, far away. And I’ll be on my own and that’ll be cool and all, but I’ll miss you. I wanna make sure I have you to take care of me in college, too.”

“I’ll take care of you!” She kissed him again, fervently, sticking her tongue deep into his throat before pulling away with a smile. “I’ll do anything for you,  _ boyfriend _ .”

“Oh, I know,” he smirked.

Shock waves reverberated through her spine. Yeah, this was literally euphoric.

Thank God. Thankgodthankgodthankgod. A boyfriend! Anna Larsen had her first boyfriend. She wanted to do a little happy jig, or—or run around the neighborhood screaming at the top of her lungs. 

This felt like a  _ huge  _ accomplishment. 

And she’d just about forgotten his birthday present. A little something-something to add to this ultimate exhilaration. “Um—I wanted to give you something special for your birthday, too. And it feels  _ extra special _ since, like, now you’re my boyfriend instead of my not-boyfriend. And… well, I thought for your birthday I would give you the gift of, um—doing that stuff you like to do.”

“That… stuff I like to do?”

“Yep. Yeah. Like, the stuff. The goods or whatever.”

“I’m not following.”

“You know—ice harvesting?” As Kristoff had previously called it.

“Ice harvesting? That’s a weirdass way of putting it,” Hans chuckled. “But, babe, you can say the word, you know? Not gonna get in trouble for saying  _ coke _ . The feds that bugged my room might think we’re talking about coca-cola anyway.”

“If the police really bugged your room, then they’d hear every—”

“Should we do it here or wait until we’re at the party?”

The Donahue’s were hosting a classic St. Helen’s rager tonight. Not technically in honor of Hans’s birthday, but also not  _ not  _ in honor of his birthday. Even though Hans wasn’t even really friends with Mitchell Donahue. Whatever.

“Um, I don’t know,” Anna said. “Whatever you think’s best.” She’d come up with this present idea after Kristoff said he thought she’d never go through with doing any drug other than weed. Naturally, Anna thought that was him essentially triple dog daring her to do it. A challenge she had no intention of losing. 

And then with Hans’s birthday around the corner… and Anna’s lack of ideas about any gift for him, this  _ genius  _ idea was born.

Even better now because she was about to do this with her  _ boyfriend.  _

Nerves shot through her stomach at the thought of actually doing this, though. She had no idea what to expect beyond being, like, probably being super hyper beyond how her baseline hyper. 

“Why don’t we start here and keep it up at the party. If you’re down?”

“Okay.”

Hans smirked, waltzing over to his self-proclaimed ' _ special'  _ cabinet. “Got a new stock from Rudi the other day. Perfect timing.”

Smirking still, Hans pulled out a small bag filled with what looked like powdered sugar and poured some onto his black wood dresser.

“Gotta use my platinum card for this,” Hans explained with a wink, producing his prized possession, an AmEx Platinum card linked to his parent’s account, and then using it to make five perfect lines. “You ready, babe?”

Eagerly, Anna ran to the dresser and gave Hans a quick kiss on the lips. “How do I do this?”

“Should I use a 20 or a 50?” Hans reached into his back pocket to pull out two crisp bills.

“Fifty,” Anna smiled.

He let out a small laugh as he stuffed the twenty back into his pocket. Now only the fifty-dollar-bill stood between them and their high. He gave it a light kiss, which made Anna giggle. God, her boyfriend was so funny! 

Next, he rolled it tightly and handed it over to his girlfriend. Anna’s hand shook slightly as she took the rolled money, but she told herself to buck up.

This is what Kristoff meant when he said she wouldn’t do it. 

But she wouldn’t back down. No chickening out.

“All you gotta do is take this,” he said, pointing to the money. “And just, like, snort it.”

“Mmhmm. Okay. Yeah—just, um— _ just snort it _ , right.” Anna took a deep breath. Yeah. She could do this.  _ Hell  _ yeah she could do this.

And so she did.

First, Anna noted an odd hypersensitivity to the crisp edges of the money as they hit her nostrils. At the same time she caught a whiff of something slightly metallic. 

A prickly, cold sensation shot up her nose, making her feel like she had some  _ major _ congestion, but then within seconds it was gone. Everything cleared out.

And this perception of ultimate clarity made her more and more beside herself over the whole boyfriend thing. 

Even though it was really just her nose that was clear more so than her mind. 

Yeah. This whole clarity thing was basically just, like, a super-strong NetiPot or whatever. She didn’t feel  _ high  _ or anything.

So, Anna pouted when she placed the rolled bill back on the dresser. “I don’t feel anything!”

She expected him to assure her that no, the high would probably hit in a few minutes; patience, Anna.

But instead Hans egged her on. “Take one of mine, then! I’ll pour more.”

“Yay!” Truly pumped, she leaned in closer to the lines, looking down at the white powder that was now her personal NetiPot. She giggled at the thought but then exhaled heavily, accidentally blowing air all over those AmEx Platinum curated lines.

“Anna! What the fuck?”

Anna laughed again. In spite of herself. Shit. She just… she couldn’t stop laughing.

“Now I have to do it all over again.”

“Sorry!” She could barely choke out this word. Still laughing—laughing so hard that her abs tightened and started to burn.

Hans moved pretty quickly to fix the lines, despite huffing angrily the whole way. “Okay, go again. Try not to fuck it up this time.”

Like, yeah, that maybe was a little teeny tiny bit aggressive, but Anna still laughed like she didn’t care. 

Another snort… another weird bit of metal scent and fear of fifty-dollar-bill nose papercut. But then that moment of congestion and then clarity came again, and Anna catapulted into the purest caffeine high of all time. It was like… despite only running  _ short distances  _ (well—longest three miles if that counted as short) in her high school track career thus far, she could legit run a marathon.

Well, maybe only a  _ half  _ marathon. But whatever—she could take off into a sprint, and that’s what really mattered.

She impulsively did one more line. Just because. 

Because she liked this feeling. This clarity and this… ability to run far and fast and be unstoppable.

And more than that—her high (which, yes, she now definitely recognized as a high) matched the triumphs of the day.

Securing Hans as her boyfriend also made her want to run a marathon. As she’d thought before—she wanted to run around the neighborhood screaming this at the top of her lungs. Except now she wanted to run a whole ass marathon screaming this at the top of her lungs.

This high also made her barely even notice Hans pouring more powder, grabbing the money from her hand, and finally taking three lines for himself.

“That’s some good shit,” he said. “Rudi must’ve splurged.”

Anna giggled. Uncontrollably yet again.

That moment of clarity had now passed. She wasn’t really caffeine high, per se, anymore. It hadn’t lasted long, really—the  _ high  _ high. 

But she didn’t really need it.

Because the Hans is officially her boyfriend triump was a high in and of itself.

This was the best day of her life. 

And it had only taken 10 months of flirtation and 6 months of sleeping together to get to this point. Wait. Shit, that was a lot of effort. She couldn’t really say  _ only  _ in that case, could she?

But now Anna was a girlfriend. Hans’s girlfriend. She could scream. She could roll around on this bed and go crazy pumping her arms and thrashing her legs and having an all-out conniption.

And that totally wasn’t the drugs talking because she didn’t feel that weird sense of, like, clarity anymore. So this was just  _ her _ . 

The most purse sensation of euphoric Anna-ness in the whole universe! 

She loved herself! She loved that she had a boyfriend! She loved who she was! 

And that felt like something to share.

Yeah, she couldn’t really shout it from the rooftops, but she could tell  _ someone _ .

Elsa! Yes,  _ definitely _ . Her sister would flip out in excitement over Anna having her first boyfriend and Anna being confident and giving herself so much love!

Except…

Elsa already thought that Hans was her boyfriend. Anna had never corrected this little white lie. 

And, therefore, Elsa had already technically celebrated. 

So, not her. Not Elsa. She’d discuss this self-revelation on another night, probably. Wanting to brag about the  _ boyfriend _ thing still trumped the rest.

Then…

Duh! 

“Hey, uh—can I use your phone? So I can call someone and talk to them about—you know—things that are happening and the party, probably, too.” This felt like a godawful idea. In Hans’s own house… to call someone about the fact that they finally had a label? Miserable idea. Straight up.

But… she was so excited and there was literally no other way to announce this without calling. 

And Kristoff wouldn’t be at the party since he had to babysit his foster siblings. 

So, she would do it. Whatever. It was probably the worst idea ever, but she didn’t care!

She absolutely loved that she was the type of person who wanted to share this excitement! 

Okay yeah, actually—it was probably the coke-making her feel this way, yeah? Yeah. 

“Sure?” Hans said, raising his eyebrow. 

“I’m gonna… I’ll be right back!”

Racing down the stairs and into the kitchen where a semi-private phone sat unattended, Anna practically flung herself onto the counter and frantically dialed Kristoff’s number.

“Hullo?”

“Kris?! Hi! It’s me, your  _ best friend  _ who you know as Anna!”

“Hi, Anna. Yeah—I, um, I recognize your voice,” he said, chuckling softly. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to call you  _ right away  _ because something super super super super exciting just happened. Guess what it was!”

“I don’t know, Anna.”

“Guess, guess, guess, guess, guess!”

“You won your volleyball game?”

“That was  _ yesterday,  _ Kris. Keep up!”

“I don’t have any more guesses.”

“Hans and I are boyfriend/girlfriend!”

Silence for … an absolutely uncomfortably long time.

Eventually Kristoff let out a tense, “Cool.”

“Right?! I have a  _ boyfriend _ . He finally thinks I’m cool enough to keep around, I guess! And he said we’ll stay together when he’s in college. At USC, for sure. At least that’s what I think. Because I’ve just got this really awesome feeling that he’ll get in there. Maybe mostly because I think there’s a building named after his family there—like Westergaard Pavilion or whatever. And like,  _ all  _ of his brothers have gone there and stuff! But anyway, yeah. He’ll get in and we’ll totally totally be together forever and then he’ll be my  _ husband  _ and oh my god I’m just so so so so so excited.”

“Uhh, Anna, are you okay?” 

“Yeah—I’m great! I’ve never been better, really. I’m just so happy and I’ve got my new  _ boyfriend  _ and it’s his birthday! And I’m really feeling myself tonight—like really love myself, you know? But, um, the only thing is—I wish you were coming tonight!”

“I know, but I’ve gotta take care of the kids.”

“You’re so good. You’re so nice, Kris—so great at taking care of them and playing with them and—” She was talking a mile a minute. Some of her words were legitimately blending in with the next ones.

“Are you  _ sure  _ you’re okay?”

“Yes, really! I’m totally totally wonderfully excellent, like—the best of all excellent. If that’s even a thing I can say, or, uh—I’m actually whatchamacallit— _ exceptional! _ ”

“Anna, um… don’t be offended when I ask this, okay? But—are you  _ on  _ something?”

Anna burst into uncontrollable laughter. “We did a little…” Anna wiggled her eyebrows despite knowing full well that Kristoff couldn’t see her. “Ice harvesting.”

“Really?”

“Told you I’d do it!”

“Oh, wow. I mean—when I said that, I didn’t mean it—”

“Nah, you basically dared me to!”

“Well, um… I didn’t mean for it to come across like that. I wouldn’t have… you didn’t have to do it tonight. Or any time soon. Um… or ever.” Kristoff’s voice radiated shock. “Are you feeling okay? Are you good? Do you like it? Who are you with? Do you feel safe?”

“Okay, Mr. Question Man. Enough with your questions. They’re making my brain hurt.”

“Um—all right. But you’re good?”

“ _ Yes _ . I told you that I’m good and I’m great and I’m excellent and that other word that I think was tremendous or maybe it was something else! Oh— _ exceptional _ ! I’m still that, I’ll have you know.”

“I… I know, Anna.”

“And awesomesauce,” Anna sighed. “My favorite word. I’m truly awesomesauce and I have a boyfriend. So I’m, like, doubly, triply, quadruply, Ummm quint— _ quintuply _ awesomesauce.”

“You were…um—you were… you were always, um—awesomesauce, Anna.”

Her heart fluttered. And— _ oh god _ —was that somehow the real reason she’d called him? 

Attention? Flattery? 

Flirtation, even?

Even after she literally just secured herself her first boyfriend.

“You think?”

“I think you having a boyfriend doesn’t make you cool. Ah—I mean—not that I don’t think you’re cool. I do. The boyfriend thing… it doesn’t make you cool _ er _ because you were already cool.”

“Well,  _ I _ think it makes me loads cooler. In fact—”

An annoyed and impatient Hans interrupted her, “Anna, you done? You ready to go?”

“Ah, Kris,” Anna giggled. “That’s my  _ boyfriend _ speaking.”

“Kristoff?” Hans’s eyes narrowed and he clicked his tongue. “That’s who you wanted to call?”

“Yep!” Anna responded chipperly before whispering back into the phone. “I gotta go, okay? Have fun with the kids. Wish you were gonna be at the party!” 

Hans grabbed the phone out of Anna’s hand and slammed it on the receiver. 

“It’s time to go.”

And off they went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay yes so definitely don’t do drugs because a fictional character in my overly dramatized fanfiction does them! And from a medical standpoint, cocaine does a lot of bad things to your heart and your nasal septum!!!
> 
> ANYWAY thanks for reading and I hope you forgive me for the fact that, yes, Anna is making more mistakes MERP


	11. Honor Committee - November 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna gets in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!! Thank you to everyone who is reading and commenting on this fic! Your encouragement means the world to me!! And I hope there’s no residual anger from that last chapter hah
> 
> Anywhozits (see what I did there hah) this chapter is like complete filler haha BUT there may be a fun surprise for my next update ;) 
> 
> Warnings for this one include language and references to teenage drug use and sex. 
> 
> THANK YOU AGAIN for reading and commenting and kudos-ing!!! You're all the best!!

“Anna Larsen?”

“Yep—that’s my name, don’t wear it out!” 

Crickets. Not even one pity-laugh. 

Noted. She definitely needed to control herself from saying this make-em-laugh phrase during serious conversations. 

And, well—seemingly no conversation proved quite as serious as a St. Helen’s Honor Committee hearing.

All because this Anna Larsen had allegedly betrayed the, like, honor of the school or something? By being herself?

By merely having fun at a party, not on school grounds. 

She rolled her eyes at the notion. Whatever. How much trouble could she get into anyway?

A lot of trouble. Shit. Yeah. A fuckton of trouble.

There was eventually one point of what might be called validation—thankfully, Olaf liked her joke. Her friend, the glorious and popular Honor Committee electee, gave her a pity-smile and a friendly nod of his head.

Someone on her side!

Which decidedly didn’t change the fact that she was still in deep shit, and having a friend on the inside probably wouldn’t help her as much as she hoped.

“Will you enlighten us by explaining exactly what happened last Saturday night?” Mr. Gooding, the assistant vice principal and head of the Honor Committee, had absolutely zero patience for a one Anna Larsen.

Deep breaths. “Oh, well, yeah. Sure, um—” Anna let out a nervous laugh. “Have you talked to Hans yet? My, um—” She blushed and gushed and everything in-between as she said, “My boyfriend.”

A couple of the other committee members chuckled. 

One of them, Matty Valencia, muttered under his breath, “Only about fifty times a semester.”

Anna didn’t know whether to act like she didn’t hear this or not. It didn’t surprise her, really. But what did—he’d never mentioned getting in trouble. He’d never even seemed like he had any beef with the school. Or the school with him.

So maybe Anna would be fine.

Maybe she wouldn’t have to go home and explain to her uncaring parents and her all-too-caring sister how much trouble she got into for giving Hans such a bomb birthday gift.

Yeah, if she got in trouble trouble, Elsa would murder her. Literally murder her.

Shit fuck.

“I mean, um—about this. Since he was with me when, you know—when it all went down.”

“We talked to him this morning,” Mr. Gooding explained.

“But you still need me to tell you what happened? I bet he did a better job. He always says I’m awful at explaining things.”

Olaf clicked his tongue. Probably because he kept telling her she could do better than Hans. 

Which obviously wasn’t true… that couldn’t be true. Olaf was literally delusional.

“Yes. We’d like to hear it from you, too.”

“Okay,” Anna started, taking a deep breath. “Well, we were going to the Donahue’s house—you know, their house in CDM. Like, on Carnation Avenue. And, um, we were just hanging out at Hans’s place before—it was his birthday—and we were just hanging out, whatever. He has this stash of stuff from his brothers and we did some of it, and then we headed out to the party.”

“The party at the Donahue’s?”

“Yup.”

“And then what happened? When was it that you ran into Mr. Sheridan?”

“That was right when we got to the party, basically. We had just parked on the street and we wanted to do a little bit more to, um, get ready to go inside and stuff, and then we did it, like, on the hood of the car.”

“When you’re talking about the ‘stuff’ and ‘it,’ may I ask exactly what you’re talking about?”

“Oh, yeah,” Anna laughed nervously again. “Um—coke.”

Gasps from every single committee member. Olaf included.

They’d heard this before, duh, from Hans that morning, but were still just as shocked about it. Weird. Super weird. 

“Cocaine?”

“Uh-huh. That’s—yes.”

“Go on,” Mr. Gooding urged.

“So we did a few lines or whatever on the hood of the car, and some guy walks up to us and asks what we’re doing. And he’s some old dude, so we’re a little, like, spooked by him and we kinda smear around all the excess stuff, so he didn’t really see what we were doing. And then he introduces himself and says he’s Mr. Sheridan—Gabriel’s dad—and that he’s a cop. And he’s wearing his uniform and everything, but it was really dark out and neither of us really noticed he was wearing it at first. But, um—but then we did,” Anna gulped. “Uh, anyway, he’d come to drop his son off at the party and he’d seen us doing something that seemed suspicious.”

He’d startled them, with his deep voice condescending to a fault. “Well, well, well, what are you two up to over here?”

Anna gulped. “Me and Hans were both like nothing suspicious to see here, officer.”

“It didn’t look like nothing.”

Shit. 

Anna hated this next part. Because… well, at the end of the day, getting caught caught was almost definitely (no—actually definitely) all her fault. 

Mr. Sheridan gave her the glance over for what seemed like a lifetime. His eyes landed on her shoulder. “You have a little something there on your collarbone, young lady.”

When she looked down, she noticed a dusting of white powder all across her chest. 

“Oh, this? This is nothing! It’s um—it’s, like, powdered sugar. From the donuts we got earlier in the night from, like, seven-eleven I think it was? Or maybe it was Ralph’s. Some grocery store or something—or a pharmacy. Could’ve been a gas station! Totally, totally powdered sugar, though.”

“I wasn’t born yesterday,” he drawled. “That’s cocaine, isn’t it?”

Shit. What a rookie mistake.

Why hadn’t she patted herself clean?

Why hadn’t she just, like, taken it easy and not gotten all over eager? Obviously, this eagerness had made her spill the powder all over her face and her neck and her chest.

Because she could never take it easy. Anna Larsen was all-systems-go all the time. 

So, she’d gotten a little too enthused. She hadn’t considered patting herself clean.

And now they were fucked. 

“What happened next, Miss Larsen?”

“Um…” She really had no desire to say more. But Hans had probably already told them everything so it wasn’t like she could lie or omit or whatever. She had to go full steam ahead here. “He said he didn’t believe us because I had some, um, powder stuff on my shirt, and then he got all snippy that we lied and said we had to tell him the truth or else. And then I got a little scared so I kinda just rambled through a confession of what happened. And then he got a little softer and said he couldn’t really do anything because he was off duty. But, like, even still, he came to warn us that we could’ve gotten arrested or something if we’d been doing that stuff, like, an hour earlier. He was all like,” Anna’s voice got low in what she considered her perfect Mr. Sheridan impression, ‘I’ll let you off with a warning this time, but if I ever catch you two doing this again, I won’t be so nice.’”

Hans stumbled to the side and pulled out a disposable camera. “We need pics to commemorate our epic night out with the po-po! Anna, you first!”

Mr. Sheridan scowled as Anna flashed a cheesy grin, holding up two fingers behind the off-duty cop’s head as bunny ears.

Hans copied her for his own photo. 

“But, um, then he took it further and was all, ‘Oh, but I’m going to tell the school this happened, so you are still held accountable for your actions.’” 

“St. Helen’s will know just how to handle two delinquents like you.”

Like, what the fuck?

They were at a party. Nowhere near St. Helen’s. Someone would have to take the 405 to the 5 to get there. That’s two freeways. Thirty minutes at least—literally nowhere near school. 

So then why the hell did the school have to get involved at all?

Who even if they were delinquents or whatever outside of school? It wasn’t like it translated. Anna knew how to behave in school; she still got some pretty solid grades. Why did St. Helen’s or Mr. Sheridan or anybody need so much stock in how she spent her weekends?

“Well, thankfully Mr. Sheridan brought this issue to our attention so we can deal with it properly.”

Just like that, Anna’s stomach plummeted to her knees. Was she about to get expelled or something?

Yeah, um—Elsa was definitely going to murder her.

“Imagine how Kathy and Bill Donahue would’ve been put through the ringer if two kids were arrested for possession of illegal substances on their property. You put them at risk. And for the record, they assured me that their party was tame and controlled until you and your boyfriend showed up.”

But… the party hadn’t been tame in the slightest. The house was overrun with probably, like, 100 people and the music was totally bumping.

Besides, Kathy and Bill weren’t even there. They were both in Cabo for some weird finance conference.

Whatever narrative Mr. Gooding was attempting to create made zero sense.

He’d made her into a villain.

And in no way was that Anna’s intention—all she wanted was to have fun. Not have Mr. Gooding make her into some giant buzzkill criminal. 

Every single weekend, she attended a party like this. 

Except, they’d gotten caught this time around. Her fault—entirely her fault.

Hopefully the Honor Committee hadn’t been too hard on Hans.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Anna managed to squeak out. “I didn’t mean—I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, you certainly were not.”

“I don’t want anybody else to get in trouble. It’s my fault, really. Hans—he didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one begging him to do all this!”

“Interesting,” Mr. Gooding paused, turning to the Honor Committee who sat attentively at an L-shaped table. “He told us the same thing.”

What?

“Oh.”

Shit.

“Does anyone have further questions for Miss Larsen?”

Olaf excitedly raised a hand. “You said you got the stuff from Hans and his brothers, right? So how could you be the one leading the charge?” He winked and gave her a devious smile.

Maybe having a friend on the inside would help her way more than she thought. Assuming this worked in her favor.

“Yeah, he’s got, like, a whole stash in his room. From his brothers, as I said. I was the one who said I wanted us to do it that night, though.”

Several honor committee members sneered and whispered ‘do it’ under their breath a few times.

Anna rolled her eyes. Real mature. The cream of St. Helen’s crop—still so juvenile that they couldn’t even say do it with a straight face.

Whatever.

Thankfully, nobody else had any questions. Mr. Gooding dismissed her to wait outside until they came to a final decision regarding her punishment. 

Yes, punishment was the word he used.

She firmly crossed her fingers for something like 10 hours of community service, which had seemed to suffice for the raunchy game of Truth or Dare she’d started in the 8th grade. Still, she feared it’d be much worse this time around.

And all she had to do was wait.

Leaning against a white stucco wall outside of the conference room, she waited.

Until she heard something that made her ears perk up. 

Something something something “Anna” something something.

Yeah, okay. The word ‘Anna’ clearly played on loop amongst the Honor Committee. The whole conference room was buzzing.

And… she knew in her heart of hearts she shouldn’t listen. 

But still, Anna crept closer and closer to the door. 

Close enough that she could make out the other words.

“Whoa coke? Like, seriously? I had literally no clue people even did that. Other than, like, junkies and whatever, right? Am I wrong?”

Anna recognized this voice as one belonging to a senior named April. Smart girl. Destined to go to some Ivy League college. 

Smart, yes, but also super freaking condescending. And more than that—super freaking judgmental and super freaking mean. 

Hans hated her. 

So that was enough for Anna to hate her.

“No, yeah.” It was Matty this time. “I’ve never heard of anybody doing that stuff.”

“That’s what I thought! Coke? Here? I thought people were smarter than that.”

Hearing this made some kind of fire ignite within Anna. And not a good kind of fire. An aggressive kind of fire. 

“Anna’s not the only one who has, though,” Olaf asserted. “I think Mitchell Donahue does, and he was the one who threw the party!”

“No way,” some random other person gasped. Anna definitely didn’t recognize his voice. 

“Well, Anna’s definitely the only sophomore who’s doing this kind of stuff. She thinks she’s all that—invincible, whatever.” Anna could hear April’s eye roll from the other side of the door. 

“Yeah, isn’t she the one who was caught doing it in the football shed?”

…what?

Okay, sure. Anna had heard the rumor, duh. But she hadn’t realized that at some point she’d become the prime suspect. 

What did that say about her? What did that mean?

Why did it make her stomach tumble over itself in a thousand knots?

April gave an evil laugh. “And the tech booth, right? The one in Silas Hall!”

Okay, now she was livid. These rumors were absolutely ridiculous! 

They hadn’t… not on school grounds. 

Well, other than that one big bathroom by the football field. And only once—late at night! 

“That’s what happens when you date Hans Westergaard, though. That guy’s trouble.”

“I mean, I totally agree with you there, but just want to point out—it wasn’t Anna in the shed or the tech booth,” Olaf explained. “She would’ve told me!”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious!”

“It doesn’t even matter if it was her or not, though. It’s obvious she’s a hot mess and has some serious issues. And we’re legit about to let her off as easy as she is.”

And just like that, Anna felt the tremendous weight of a freight train take her down.

It knocked the wind out of her. 

Words she’d love to say meant nothing actually meant everything.

They’d wounded her. They’d knocked her out.

They were the freight train.

Tears threatened to spill out of her eyes, but she had to be strong. They couldn’t see what they did to her. Nobody could. She’d chosen this life, and now she’d have to live with what they said about her. 

She was their slut, their hot mess, their whatever. 

“Miss Larsen, you can come back in now.”

Anna trudged back inside; thankful her eyes weren’t bloodshot from any tears.

She scowled in April’s direction.

“We’ve decided that you’ve learned your lesson by having to come to this hearing today, but we’re still concerned with your drug habit and also with how you conduct yourself. We will require you to see the peer counselor weekly for the rest of the year.”

This news was enough to make April’s words take a backseat. For the time being, at least, but hopefully forever.

The peer counselor? Really?

That was it?

Tight. Score!

April was right about how easy they’d let her off.

Anna pouted anyway, not wanting them to know just how scot-free she felt. “For the rest of the year? Until June?”

“Yes, Miss Larsen. Until June.”

“Well, all right,” she said monotonously, putting on a show of plodding out of the conference room yet again. 

Once the door shut behind her, she did a happy dance and raced to the quad. 

There, she bumped right into Kristoff, who had loyally waited for her hearing to end. He ran up to give her a big hug. “How’d it go?”

“Got off easy. Have to see the peer counsellor for, like, three sessions. Talk about my ‘drug habit.’” Anna used air quotes and rolled her eyes. “How in trouble I could’ve gotten Kath and Bill Donahue in. Whatever. I hope Hans got off easy, too.” Anna chewed on her bottom lip. “I’m kinda worried.”

“He’ll be fine,” Kristoff said a little too quickly.

“And that April girl is a beyotch, like. Obviously, I stayed behind and tried my best to listen in. As one does!"

"As one does," Kristoff repeated, laughing.

"And, like, she was totally the ring leader calling me a slut in a ‘classy-honor-committee-approved’ way and said I’d be getting off too easy. Like in this dramatically mean way like I’m getting off as easy as I am.”

“That’s whack.”

"Apparently I'm a hot mess, too!"

"Bullshit."

“Yeah. I guess. I don’t know. Um, maybe she’s… because, what if—what if she’s right?”

“She’s not. That’s not true. None of it. You’re… you’re good—great, Anna.”

That heavy weight she’d carried with her since she heard those words began to lift. 

It didn’t matter what that beyotch thought. April didn’t matter.

But Kristoff did. What he thought mattered to Anna. 

And he didn’t think it was true.

So, then it couldn’t be true. Right?

Why did she always go back to this? First that dumb game of ten fingers and now April’s totally uncalled for insults... 

It couldn’t be a coincidence. 

Did people really think this about her? That she was a slut and a hot mess and had a lot of issues?

Did it matter? Did Anna care?

It must be a coincidence.

“You know—it makes me feel better. I mean, the fact that there are evil people like April on Honor Committee makes me feel a helluva lot better about never getting enough votes.”

Because Honor Committee being a popularity contest totally made sense.

“I voted for you!”

Kristoff bristled at the comment, not knowing how to respond. “Why’s the school involved in this type of stuff, anyway?”

“Great question.”

“Feels like something they shouldn’t have any say in, you know—what happens on the weekends—not on school grounds?”

“Yeah. It’s bullshit.”

Okay, now she was convinced that it was definitely a coincidence because this time it was only April making the fuss.

You know what? She was probably just jealous. Because Anna had the hottest boyfriend around. Maybe April wanted to get with Hans! Maybe that was why she got all mean and judgmental. 

Maybe. Yeah. Totally.

Nothing to do with Anna at all. Sorry, April. Anna Larsen knows how to have a damn good time.

That’s what winning 10 fingers had proven, too! That she was such an awesome and fun person! 

April could be jealous all she wanted; it wouldn’t change any of Anna’s behavior.

And her best friend thought she was pretty damn great.

“Well, if they’re gonna insist on being involved in whatever-the-hell I get up to after school, then they’re gonna have to rename it the Anna Committee.”

Yeah—screw her! Absolutely nothing and nobody could stop her from having fun.


	12. Kristoff's House - December 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kristoff broods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! I'm back and hopefully with some pretty regular updates now!!! I want to say thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing because it has meant so much to me and always does!! I really appreciate every single one of you :) seriously - you're all the BEST!
> 
> Also - SURPRISE haha this chapter is a Kristoff POV as encouraged by the wonderful Laura and Rhianne and special thanks to Cass for helping me flesh it out as well!! I had a lot of fun writing this so honestly there will almost certainly be more of these to come!!! I found myself listening to Blink 182's Wasting Time, Mutt, and Always on a loop for the last few weeks and I highly recommend all of them to add a little more flair to this chapter haha even though only one of them was actually released in 1997 but the vibe matches!!!
> 
> Anyway...  
> Warnings for this chapter include language, references to underage drug use, substance abuse, and childhood trauma.
> 
> Thanks again for reading!!!!

Kristoff pouted to the point where the muscles in his face cried out for mercy. Tonight, he’d tried and failed to write some new music. 

Sometimes the promise of a new year brought him that spark of creativity he craved, but not today.

Probably because 1997 had kind of sucked.

And now he wanted to brood and wallow a little bit because wasn’t that all he did during this entire fucking year anyway?

He sort of regretted staying home, though, since this music seemed like utter trash and he couldn’t get _her_ out of his head. 

Why didn’t he go with Sven to that neighborhood New Year's Eve party? Shit. He hadn’t felt up to it at the time because he was hyper fixated on the fact that he really kind of hated holidays; New Years' in particular. 

But his holiday hatred wasn’t because he was a regular Grumpy McGrumpPants as Anna sometimes called him. 

It was just…

Celebrating a new year felt so stupid. Nothing changed except the date. It was never a _year_ later despite people screaming it at parties and from rooftops and shit. Really, it was just a _day_ later, and that felt pretty pointless to celebrate. 

Okay. Maybe he conceded. Maybe he was _kind of_ Grumpy McGrumpPants. Shit.

The thought made him jut out his bottom lip again. When did he become so cynical?

He wasn’t always like this. It came in waves. The cynicism, the wallowing, the pouting.

Because, truth be told, he’d had some good New Year’s Eves, too. 

Like, 1996 for instance. That was a damn good night. Ringing in 1996 at the beach with Anna at his side had meant everything to him.

The way she smiled when she pulled out two sparklers and a whole box of PopIts from her pocket, stolen from who the hell knows where… and they’d run around with the fire in their hands, dancing on the sand. No drinks, no drugs, no party. 

They talked about the highlights of 1995. The lowlights. 

Their goals for the year—a boyfriend and more time with Elsa for Anna, of course. Kristoff had kept his resolution a secret, much to Anna’s protests.

But he couldn’t tell her. Not because he was superstitious—no, he didn’t believe in any of that _written in the stars_ crap, but he had no desire to jinx it. That wasn’t called superstition, though—it was a fact. He could be staunchly not-superstitious and still fear jinxing the resolution that made his face light up. Totally.

Except both of Anna’s had come true and Kristoff sat here alone in his garage on New Year’s Eve again, far away from any semblance of his wish coming true.

If it had…

They’d probably dance on the sand again. The two of them. No Hans in sight; no Hans in mind. 

Not needing the drinking or the drugs or the party when they had each other, two sparklers, and some PopIts. 

He longed for that night. He ached for it.

No wonder that since New Years' of ‘96, the holiday always fell flat.

This year was no different. Anna got that _boyfriend_ she wanted, and they were alone together at her family’s beach house getting into all sorts of trouble. Hans was both in sight and in mind, which left Kristoff worried.

Holy shit, yeah. He was worried. He constantly worried. 

Kristoff had known Anna—as her best friend—for years. Ever since he’d started at St. Helen’s. Things were different back then. Things were simpler.

And, now—the old Anna was there, sure. She hadn’t lost herself. But he worried. Because, true, she hadn’t lost herself _yet,_ and there was a genuine possibility that the _yet_ would come true. One day she’d lose herself and Kristoff wouldn’t know what the hell to do with himself once that day came. Fuck. _Once_ that day came? Was it really that inevitable?

Shit. 

Yeah, she had a sucky life. Her parents sucked balls. Her stupid fucking boyfriend sucked balls. 

There were reasons why she did what she did. He didn’t want to judge. He wouldn’t judge.

But he also needed her to be safe.

Because… well, ultimately, he worried because he knew. He worried because he’d seen a lot of shit come from messing around with jerky boyfriends and getting into drugs.

As a result, part of him wanted to voice this concern. At the same time, though, he had no fucking idea how to even start that conversation.

Admitting his fears held the alarming but realistic possibility of Anna pushing him away. She’d see him as the enemy, the ultimate buzzkill, whatever.

It wasn’t worth the risk. For now. If things got worse (and fuck did he hope things _never_ got worse even though that _yet_ and that _once_ still played in his brain), he’d have to risk it. 

But not now.

Now, he had to live with a constant knot in his stomach. 

And shit, yeah. Kristoff was really damn worried. 

What was Hans’s deal, anyway? Kristoff thought there was something really fucking off with that dude.

Scoffing at the memory of Hans telling Anna he loved her that first night they met, Kristoff replayed all of Hans’s bullshit. 

Hans Westergaard, who seemed like he lacked the ability to _love_ properly, had assured Anna it took no more than two seconds for him to fall madly in love with her. It had to be some kind of sick and twisted manipulation, _right_?

Especially because Kristoff had noticed Hans’s eyes drifting to other girls. On more than one occasion. 

He just… didn’t want Anna to get hurt, which seemed like a guarantee with asshole Hans in the mix.

But who the fuck knew? Maybe Kristoff was the fool and they would end up married and grow old together as Anna promised him.

He strummed aimlessly on the guitar, hearing the rough sounds coming through the amp and through his headphones. His foster siblings were all lost in slumber by now. They’d tried to stay up until midnight, but they’d only made it to 10 before dozing off on the couch. 

Anna still couldn’t get out of his head. Her name was the only lyric he’d thus far devised, but he tried anyway to focus again on his own music. He really wanted to write something new.

But now the song he’d deemed so fucking shitty, Wasting Time by Blink 182, kept playing in his brain. 

And he fucking knew it was because of Anna. Dammit. 

Kristoff wasn’t wasting time. 

Right?

He wasn’t some kind of Nice Guy who befriended someone to play the long game with the goal of one day finally ending up with her. He genuinely wanted to be friends with Anna. It didn’t matter if nothing romantic ever happened between them because friends was enough. 

He wished he had the balls to tell her that, too. A twofold desire—telling her both that he was worried and had some, uh, feelings. 

Shit. His brain wouldn’t let him even try to move on without playing that song. Fuck.

_Sometimes I sit at home and wonder if she's sitting at home_

_Thinking of me and wondering if I'm_

_Sitting at home, thinking about her_

_Or am I just wasting my time_

Okay, maybe Kristoff didn’t think this song was shit. Perhaps he actually thought this song was _the_ shit. 

If only he’d written it himself… with these fucking lyrics he easily could’ve. 

How had Tom DeLonge predicted Kristoff’s New Year's Eve headspace?

_And maybe I’d impress her by being in a band and_

_Maybe if I act real tough she’d let me hold her hand and_

_Maybe I’ll win her heart by writing this song about her_

Like, _shit_. 

What Kristoff wouldn’t give to hold Anna’s hand…

A tap on his shoulder shook him back to reality.

It was Bulda, Kristoff’s adoptive mother. “Kris, honey, do you want to come inside and watch the ball drop with us?”

“Oh—no, I—” He watched as her face fell and something gnawed at his insides. “I mean, yeah. I think I’ve got something good here, but I’ll finish up and be right in. Okay?”

She beamed. “Great!”

He didn’t mean to take this out on her. Whatever _this_ was. 

Cliff and Bulda had been so good to him. They’d shown him what it meant to love. And that meant a whole lot given all the shit he’d been through as a kid.

Strumming a bit more on the guitar, he reached a groove.

He hoped this groove would be enough to finally take him to that next level—lyrics other than the name Anna on repeat.

When he wrote songs, the music came first—always dropped D tuning, some combination of chord progressions and fingerpicking. 

And then the lyrics.

So, tonight, he started where he always did. 

He began by plucking an E, then progressing to D and then A, strumming these three chords in quick succession. 

The music moved through him and this was the closest he’d come to any new content. Finally.

Then he got stuck; he tried to think of any words that fit. 

But nothing came.

No lyrics. Not one word. Not even her name this time.

He’d hit a rock. Blank. Shit.

All night his mind could concentrate solely on worry and not on art.

This hadn’t happened since prom night. Another night he sat alone in his garage worried about his best friend.

This was useless. After prom, the worry had stripped his mind of creativity for several days. Tonight would be no different. 

1998 already felt like a bust. Hopeless—already so fraught with worry.

Thinking about this worry made it crop up again. His mind centered on the fear of Hans hurting her. 

Now with the drugs, too… his worry escalated to a new peak. Because, yeah… he knew the cycle of addiction. He fucking knew it. He’d seen it play out with his parents. 

Shedding himself of the headphones and hanging his guitar back up on the garage wall, he pulled out his phone, which alerted him there were only 15 minutes until 1998. A new _day_ , not a new year, he caught himself grumbling. 

Well, anyway, he only had, like, 14 minutes to check in on Anna before spending time with his adoptive parents.

Sighing, he pulled out his phone and dialed Anna’s number. The number he’d memorized in the few days since she’d received her new Motorola phone for Christmas. 

Straight to voicemail. As expected.

“Hey, um—Anna. It’s me, Kristoff. Um. I wanted to call and um, wish you a Happy New Year! So, yeah—Happy New Year. I hope you’re having fun, but, um, that you’re okay, too.” He really wanted to come right out and say that he was worried. He wanted to, really, he did. But he couldn’t. “Uh—anyway, I was thinking about two years ago when we went to the beach and you brought the sparklers. That was—that was a lot of fun. Anyway. Have a goodnight, Anna. Happy New Year…”

_I love you_.


End file.
